Hump Day Humbug

Hello again, friends! 

I had my appointment with the mental health doctor yesterday. I really liked her. After asking me a billion questions (which I’m glad she did) we concluded to try me on a full-time anxiety medication and see if it’ll help. This is on top of what I’m already taking for depression. I’m hopeful. But we won’t know if it’s working fully for a few weeks yet. It felt so good to talk to someone and not feel like there was something wrong with me. I didn’t feel embarrassed about my situation like I have felt telling other doctors. It was like she just knew. So my fingers (and toes) are crossed that in a couple more weeks the anxiety will be under control and I can start feeling normal about life again. Prayers are appreciated. 

One thing that has significantly helped my mood is this insane weather! Can you believe it?! It’s been so nice out! I understand this doesn’t bode well for our state in the future, but mid 50’s in January in Utah is so rare I almost don’t care. Almost. 

I’ve been dying to get outside and I recently discovered we have access to the Bonneville Shoreline Trail just seconds from our house. That’s going to make trail-runner-Megan very happy in the somewhat near future. There’s no shade, so it’ll have to be a spring or fall thing I think. But it’ll be great.

In the meantime we drove the trail twice in one day. The first time we just explored a bit. 

The second time we took our neighbor along and turned it into a fun little ride for the kids. We even stopped and hiked a small portion of a hiking trail that starts just off the road. No one had coats on. In fact, I was in a t-shirt. There were so many other people out enjoying the day. It felt so good to be out doing fun stuff again. 

Logan didn’t appreciate it when I took the bumps kinda fast, but who cares. He’s a Hunter. He’s gotta get used to adventure. 

I also finally got him a Sunday outfit. It was $6 at Target and he looks pretty freaking dashing in it, if I do say so myself. If it wasn’t for Target clearance he would still be sporting PJ’s for his Sunday best. 

You may have seen people posting their Google Arts & Culture selfies recently. Its kind of blown up social media. It’s an app where you take a picture of yourself and they match you up with a famous painting. I finally got curious enough to try it. 

Nailed it. 

Another mood booster I got to experience this week: RUNNING!! 

Every time I sit down and plan out times to run on my calendar, someone gets sick and it doesn’t work out. But so far, this week has allowed me to run once. I went to the gym early and lifted weights, then ran 3 miles; 1.5 miles uphill and then 1.5 miles back down. 

I wasn’t expecting any amazing times so I knew it would be a slow run; especially with half of it being straight uphill. But I have to admit I was super bummed with my pace coming back down. I used to run this route back in the day much quicker - like 2-3 minutes per mile faster. I kept getting frustrated each time I would look at my watch and see the pace. I was working so hard and the pace felt so challenging. But I kept reminding myself that it’s been over a year since I’ve been able to run. Like really run. I have a long way to go. I can’t just pick up where I left off. I had a freaking baby! But I kept promising myself I’ll get there. Someday, I’ll be strong again. And running this hilly and challenging route was one step closer to getting there by building strength. I can do hard things. 

What does it say about my life when I think organizing our junk drawer is a cool enough occurrence that it warrants a picture? And it makes it into my blog post?

No one warns you that being an adult consists of monumentally stupid things like this ALL THE TIME. And you’re too tired to care whether it’s cool or not. I would like to thank caffeine for the energy for this adulthood moment. The drawer will stay clean for about 3 days, at which point it’ll be vomiting papers and refusing to shut all the way again. 

Tomorrow I have some fun things planned and I hope they all pan out. I’ll do my best to take pictures and keep the positivity going on my life. Stay tuned. 


Crazy Town

Greetings from Crazy-Town, USA!

Oh my gosh, you guys, I am riding quite the roller coaster and I am hating every second of it. It's completely fascinating and irritating to me that the chemical makeup of my brain and how I function can completely change just because I had a baby. And change so dramatically! I've never experienced anxiety like this before. Just when I think I'm doing much better and am in the clear, something happens that spikes my anxiety and depression again. And it's not always the same thing, so I never know what to expect. I usually struggle when Cory is working and that shouldn't be the case. I'm seeing a mental health nurse practitioner on Tuesday to talk medication options because I need to find a solution to this ASAP. Postpartum mental illness is no joke!!


So aside from the fact that I feel like a different person every other week, things are going ok. Really, overall, they are.

We're busting our butts this year to help Kennedy get caught up on grade level. It's been really hard on her to be one of the youngest in the grade. She's made huge improvements this year, but still has a ways to go. So we're doing everything we can think of to help.
 Kennedy really is a gem. She has the biggest heart of anyone I know. I never thought my own kids would be an example to me of how I should be living, but she is. Someday, Brynlie and Logan will realize how lucky they are to have her watching out for them.
 She's so dang helpful and nurturing.

 Little Dude is doing well. He is definitely our laziest baby. He just barely rolled from his stomach to his back this past week or so and still hasn't rolled the other way. He WILL NOT stand on his legs, and he grabs things but still won't bring them to his mouth. He's still terrible at keeping a binky in. I want to just get rid of it but it puts him to sleep so fast... I don't know. I guess we will just keep hoping that he either figures it out or learns to suck his thumb instead hahaha.
 It was my turn to catch a cold this past week as well. Oh, how I hate winter. But I'm finally feeling better so that's been really helpful.
 Just some buddies, hanging out.

Kennedy made me a book about "The Christmas With a Big Moon and Snowman." She wrote and illustrated the whole thing, by herself.
 My spicy little Boo. She's such a complex person, but I love everything about her. I can't really put into words what it is I love about her so much. She can be so freaking hilarious when she's in the right mood. She can be down right rotten, then turns around the next second and can melt your heart.
 Like when she cuddles with me when I'm sick.
 We broke out some Candy Land the other night. The girls had a blast playing with Daddy! Somehow, when they play with him, they don't throw fits if they don't win. They were just loving the experience.
 We all also played Go Fish after this. I had to team up with B since she didn't quite know how to read the cards, but she was a sneaky little thief and kept stealing cards from Cory's match pile when no one was looking.
 We went to Get Air last week with our neighborhood playgroup. They have toddler time on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10-12. The little ones have free reign of the complex and can play on anything they want. Brynlie had the time of her life!!

 I was also so touched because I was stuck sitting on one of the couches holding a sleeping Logan, but all the other moms stepped up and helped her when she needed it and played with her without even being asked ... I'm telling you, the people I live by are A-M-A-Z-I-N-G!!
 We will be going back because this is right up Kennedy's isle and she was in school.

Those freaking lashes, though.

I keep telling myself I'll figure life out soon. And I will someday, I'm sure. I'm just going to be a hot mess until then. So if you love to watch people self-destruct, keep coming back and reading my blog *winky face*


New Year, New Camera Roll Pics

The kiddies all got matching minion jammies from Aunt Lisa for Christmas. They love them! 

Ok, to be fair, Logan isn’t quite as enthused as the girls, but this is coming from the kid who spends hours a day sucking on his hands. 

I’ve recently discovered that at Ichiban Sushi I can get my favorite sushi roll, a Vegas Roll, for $4.95. I can also get the girls cups of egg drop soup, which they love, for even less than that. 

Since discovering this we have been there an embarrassing amount of times; 4 times in the first week, and off and on since then. I have a problem. And I’m going to get so fat. But it’s freaking delicious and you can’t even get a meal at McDonalds for that cheap! 

Santa left this in my stocking and I am loving it so far. 

Yasso 800’s were the only speed workout that wasn’t covered in my studies to become a certified running coach, so I’m super pumped to learn more about them and implement them for my marathon clients. 

Could this kid be more adorable?! You guys!! 

I say it every time, and I’ll say it again, he’s the happiest little thing. I cannot wait to see more of his personality come out cause he smiles at everything and it doesn’t take much to get him to laugh. 

I’ve made a goal to eat at home more. Part of that is from the fight Cory and I had when he found out how often I was going to Ichiban... haha. And the other part is to save money and eat better. I feel like I lost so much control over so many parts of my life, so I’m hoping to get them back, including caring about my diet again. We made drumsticks and Kennedy gobbled up two of them and wouldn’t stop telling me how much she loved them. I guess I need to make them more often. 

I also made a bunch of freezer meals ahead of time for those nights when I’m too tired and stressed to make dinner. I kinda feel like I gave myself a second Christmas gift. Plus I got groceries for two weeks worth for under $100 with this trick. Score!!! 

All of Logan’s dark hair fell out and now it’s growing in super blonde. He’s got a pretty impressive fuzz-head going on. 

Kennedy got a Garmin VĂ­vofit Jr. for Christmas. At first I thought it might just be something cool for her to have, but it has made a huge difference in her! First off, she can now compete in steps with me each day and she’s obsessed with getting more than me. And she’s kicking my butt. 

If she’s not in the lead she will run laps around the house until she is. I didn’t know the sweetest child on earth had such a competitive side. 

It’s got timers on there for her to do just about everything. She times herself to eat breakfast and dinner, she times how long to brush her teeth, do her homework, and get dressed. She always tries to beat the countdown timer. It’s been a godsend for someone like her who really struggles to stay focused on anything. Best purchase ever! 

This past weekend we had our annual ice skating thingy with Cory’s family. We missed most of the ice skating because Cory and I were at the funeral for that young mom in our ward. But Hillary took the girls out to have fun. 

I cannot believe how much this family has grown since I joined it. And we were missing like 11 or 12 people. 

I’m always just blown away by how good and loving these people are. I feel so lucky to be a part of such a great family. 

So it’s a new year which means new goals. I made a bunch of others, which I may or may not get around to talking about, but my main goal is to focus on this:

I had such a hard year in 2017. I struggled with depression, anxiety, I focused on what we didn’t have instead of what we did have, and I became bitter because things weren’t perfect. Life rarely is, so if I don’t learn to roll with the punches and love it with its imperfections, I’m never going to get out of this rut. So my main goal is to be more appreciative for the things I have, serve and think about others more, and just try to find ways to truly be happy. I’ve been selfish. It’s time to change that to selfless. And have more fun and appreciate being a mother more. 

Brynlie got this dress from Cory’s parents for Christmas. She looks so country-western-chic doesn’t she?? Haha 

We got to feed my friends chickens over the weekend while she was out of town which meant we got some of the eggs. We were all just a little excited! 

I was the worst person ever because I lacked the ability to move the sun so it wasn’t in her eyes. 

I love the moments I get to spend cuddling this Little Booger. 

And the moments talking to this Little Booger. She makes me laugh every single day with her imagination and antics. 

And she no longer walks anywhere in our house. She rides the scooter everywhere she goes. Not even joking. 

I laughed way too hard at this. 

I love this show. It’s so nice to have a show I can watch with my kids around, that isn’t loaded with sex and language, and that always leaves me feeling good. I don’t care how cheesy it is. 

And lastly, our Dear Prophet passed away last night. President Monson was pretty amazing. I remember him waving to me at the Salt Lake Temple when I went there to do baptisms when I was a youth. I was dressed and ready before everyone else and was waiting in the lobby and he walked by, gave me the biggest smile and waved. I also got to meet him and shake his hand in high school, and it was amazing. I’m really gong to miss him and his inspired, uplifting messages. Until we meet again, President Monson. 

See you soon.