When You Lose It In Public

Today was one of those days where you feel so exhausted, like you accomplished so much, but then you look back and realize it really wasn't much. 

I skipped the gym and work today to help Cory at the house. First, I put together one of the shelves we bought at IKEA. The instructions had me giggling right away... who comes up with this stuff?
The unit was really easy to assemble. I plan on using it as a window bench in the near future with padding and fabric and all that fun stuff. 
I also unrolled our area rug all by myself -- I was just following the explicit instructions and assembling the shelves on a rug so I didn't end up in distress like the man pictured. 
Kennedy kept rubbing her face and hands in it and saying she just loves our new carpet. The girl gets me. 

After we picked up K from school we headed carpet shopping. Long story short, we found some and bought it. And it's in stock so there won't be a huge wait when we're ready. 

But, the long story... we were at RCWilley for over 2 hours. I don't really know what has sparked this, but the girls have been truly awful at stores lately. Today was no exception. They ran around the flooring department while we compared remnants and ignored our many calls and requests for them to stay by us. Eventually, as time ticked on, their running expanded, so they started in the electronics department, through the flooring department, and ended in the clearance area, all with yelling and screaming. I was mortified. I yelled, I quietly threatened, I repeatedly tried to be the "nice mommy" and politely ask them to stop... it was like I was invisible. After one threat I told Kennedy to stop and grabbed her arm (again) and she screamed at me and kept telling me no. 

Guys, I'm not proud of this, but I lost it. Bad. In public. I just didn't care anymore. They were being horrible kids, so what did I care anymore if I looked like a horrible parent? They can't get away with acting like that!  It was time to have a serious consequence for behaving so terribly. Kennedy was definitely initiating the problem and Brynlie was just following her footsteps. I grabbed her and basically drug her out of the store screaming, threw her in the car, and let her have it! 

Take my word for it, she got in huge trouble. She cried for almost a half hour afterward and it took me even longer than that to calm down. I usually feel really bad inside after disciplining my kids, but not this time. She completely deserved what she got. Maybe even more? 

I really struggle with disciplining my kids in public. I feel like with how judgy people are, there's an immense fear of people who are watching, overreacting and causing trouble. I think my kids have caught on to my hesitation and have been taking advantage of that. Today was definitely the last straw for me. The whip will start cracking more from now on! And hopefully Kennedy will start taking me more seriously now that she knows what awaits her. 

With all the "excitement" at the store I never took a picture of the carpet we chose, so you'll have to be surprised later. 

Cory worked hard getting more baseboards and moldings put in to get ready for the carpet. They're coming tomorrow to measure and whatnot. I helped patch nail marks in the moldings and I caulked a bunch of crap that needed to be caulked. It was a productive day but certainly didn't feel like it. I really didn't do that much but I am 100% wiped out! I'm so freaking tired of always being tired. 

The most exciting part of the day for me was finding this adorable thing at Michael's for $7!! I plan on filling them with different types of cooking oil that we use so they're ready to go by the stove. 
No one warned me that being an adult would consist of being super excited over dumb stuff like this... 

See you, soon! 


Strawberries and Nerds

This months selection of intense pregnancy cravings has been Nerds (the candy, that's important to note) and strawberries. I've only given in to the Nerd cravings once, and unfortunately I had to share. 
I've also been craving strawberries like mad. Thankfully, it's something healthy, so I haven't really held back on those. Each grocery trip I buy a bunch and they're usually gone in a couple days. One day I may or may not have eaten an entire carton by myself... and I probably won't ever do that again haha. Lesson learned. 

I gave Kennedy my old phone and they're connected through my iCloud account. I love finding random pictures the girls take on their phone showing up on mine. 
 Little B and I had a really rough week last week. There was one day in particular where I was ready to give up on her. Sometimes she gets so hard with her tantrums and constant crying, and it's usually the same time I'm exhausted and frustrated and I let Satan get in my head and I end up feeling completely hopeless that I can raise her properly. I get angry that she is so adorable but so freaking hard. I feel like a terrible mother and I just break down and cry. We had one of those days. Actually, two of them. She is insanely stubborn and has such a strong will. Her tantrums are terrifying at times and I'm not sure how to handle them. It scares me that if we can't nip this in the butt somehow that I'm not going to survive three kids. I don't know how she can be so sweet one minute and then so horrible the next. I love her with all my heart; I truly do. I just don't know how to mold her into a normal human being. But she sure is a cutie pie. 

So random change of subject, my sister in law got to meet The Legend:
Crazy, right?? I feel like I have to live vicariously through everyone else since cool stuff never happens to me haha. I can't wait to hear all about it. 

Guys, I also have big news... today I got to RUN!! 
So, long explanation...

I mentioned I wasn't running this pregnancy. We all know why. On my weight room days at the gym, (I've been using the weights a lot more since the class has been making me so sick this trimester) I started walking for 30 minutes after lifting. When I very first started, walking would make my ligaments a little sore. But it was usually better the next day. After a couple times the pain was gone. I noticed the same thing with certain exercises in class -- some would make me sore but the more I did them the more I seemed to build up "resistance" to them.  Now some exercises make me actually hurt and not just sore. Those I avoid completely. It's not important enough to me to do those if they're going to escalate the problem.  But others would just make me feel slight soreness in my hip/groin area that night, but nothing terrible. 

I've started to wonder if maybe I'm able to build up strength in them through all this? I'm not terribly familiar with how this works, and I fully anticipate that it can and probably will get worse as the pregnancy progresses and the baby gets bigger, but trying to build up strength can't hurt, right? Anyway, so I figured if walking was fine then I would try doing the small run segments we have on the board and see how I felt - keeping it slow of course - and if anything hurt I would stop. I tried one run last week and it went fine. But it was only 5 minutes. 

I tried two runs yesterday (almost 10 minutes total) and again, nothing went wrong. Today was a weight room day so I figured I would just try a slow jog afterward and see how it went. Ooooooo it felt gutsy for sure. But I went nice and easy and ended up with 2 miles before I had to leave. And I left with a HUGE smile on my face. It. Felt. GOOD!!!! My soul was aching for a run, even if it was short and slow. 

Assuming nothing arises from today's experiment I will probably continue to run slowly for as long as I can. I know it may not last, but I'll take what I can get. I am being extremely cautious though. 

In other good workout news, yesterday was the first day I completed a class workout and didn't feel super sick the whole rest of the day! Yay!!! Again, I don't know if that'll last, but I'm taking each day as they're given to me. Maybe there's hope, guys!! 

Cory has been working so I don't have any house updates for you except that we have a mountain of boxes of IKEA furniture to assemble sometime in the next couple weeks. That'll be fun... not. And thanks to Presidents Weekend we were able to find a new couch and accent chair for our front room for cheap. I'm pumped!! Cory is off again tomorrow so hopefully we make more major progress. We also need to pick out carpet this week and get that ball rolling. Fun stuff! To also means I probably need to start packing... ugh... 

Well, I plan on eating pizza in our pj's with my family tonight and staying dry from the rain storm that's supposed to hit. See you, soon! 


A Day At A Funeral

Today Cory and I spent most of the day at the funeral services for our friend, Nate's, Dad. He passed away unexpectedly last week. 

It was a really great service. I only met his dad once, but Cory grew up at their house and knew him pretty well and was upset about his passing. It sounded like he was a pretty incredible man. I really enjoyed hearing all the stories from over his life.  It was hard to see his kids hurting with the loss of their dad, but they do believe in eternal families which brought peace and comfort to them. 

I always have a rough time at funerals, but especially the graveside services. When they throw in Amazing Grace by one of these I really struggle, and today was no exception. 
The last time I heard this played at a graveside was at my nephews service... I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant or what, but it hit me so hard and I completely lost control. I started sobbing and couldn't stop. I felt ridiculous because I didn't know Nate's Dad and here I was bawling my eyes out -- except no one knew it was for someone else and the other loses we've experienced in our lives. But as much as it makes me cry to hear it, I also love bagpipes more than most things and it was amazing to have him there. 

One of the family members that spoke talked about how now is the time to prepare to meet God. He said that death is something to rejoice if a man is ready to meet God again. It really hit me how true that was. Funerals always make people think about the frailty of life and how important it is to not put things off. If I were called home tomorrow, would I feel ready to stand in the presence of my Lord? His dad had just renewed his temple recommend two days before he died. He was prepared. It was a powerful lesson for me to live after his example. 

They had a party afterward to celebrate their dad which I thought was a really cool idea. Again everyone shared hilarious stories and it really did feel more like a party than a funeral. 

Funerals always make me think about my own life and make me want to live it a little better, a little fuller, and a little happier. I'm human, and I'll forget from time to time, but I'm going to do better to remember what's really important. 

I'm pretty tired and today wasn't exactly "fun" (even though when I told my dad we were going to a funeral he said, 'Ok! Have fun!' Haha) so I don't have much else to talk about. I hope everyone enjoys their 3 day weekend! 

See you, soon! 


Playing Catch Up With My Camera Roll

Has it really only been 5 days since I last blogged? It seems like an eternity!! 

The problem is I've been feeling really terrible this past week. Like, really bad. 
So my blogging ambition has been slim. But let's play random catch up by going through my camera roll for the last few days. 

The weather we've had has been unreal! I feel like Mother Nature was pretty fed up with January as well because I feel like as soon as February came around, things turned gorgeous. 
We've had record breaking highs which has felt sooooo amazing!! The only problem is it's making me miss running so bad it kind of hurts. I just want to get out and pound the pavement with just me and my iTunes while I feel the warm sun on my face, and I can't. I know there's a time and season for everything. I'm fine with that. But sometimes it's hard to take a break when you know you can't do something. 2018 will be my year to run again. 

I picked these up at Target for a healthier snack option since I can only eat so much. They are yummy! Even Kennedy loved them which makes me feel all happy inside. 

We took Kennedy to the doctor this past week and they just looked so cute playing together I had to take a picture --  because I have the phone storage to do so now!! I still can't get over that. 
And then Brynlie got tired. We were overdue for lunch so I can relate to how she feels. 
One morning we played "follow the iPad" so I could get the girls to listen to me and get dressed for school. It worked!! 
Replace "van" with "sequoia" and this is 100% me. 
I've had a few mornings where I could actually stomach my usual protein shake! It has made me super happy that it's slowly starting to come back into my life. 
It was my Mom's birthday this past week as well and Kennedy was more excited than my mom. She picked out flowers at the store with my sister and made a note for my mom and waited for her to come home and see the surprise. She is so thoughtful! 
And then she insisted there had to be balloons and since Grandma isn't super proficient at telling her no, balloons it was! 
Today we had a super romantic Valentine's Day working on the house haha! We are getting so close, guys!!! 

I spent the day stenciling the accent wall in our master bedroom. I picked a brownish/grayish color for 3 of the walls, and then a much darker brown for the accent wall. Then I stenciled over that with a super metallic silver paint. The camera didn't pick up the metallic sheen very well,  but it looks amazing!! 

I was really nervous to stencil. I had never done it before. It was super tedious but not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I was surprised I got it done in a day. 
It definitely isn't perfect, but it still looks really good. Here's a closer shot of the colors. The brown looks super dark in all these pictures. 
Don't worry about the corner where it looks like crap. We have a plan for that. 

We've also got a bathroom door now!! 
Molding coming soon haha 
Our master bath is also painted. I picked a really light minty color. The outside wall will be white shiplap which I think will look cool. And cover the damage that was caused during demo. 
And then Kennedy found some weeds outside and told us we were all cowgirls now. 
Even Cory didn't complain. 
Brynlie got one too but then had a meltdown and didn't want her picture taken. Nothing new. 

Cory is working on putting in moldings this week (and maybe grouting the shower?) and we plan to pick out carpet this week and buy the furniture we need. Then we can move in! Only a few more weeks. I can't wait!!! 

See you, soon! 


Couples Survey

My sister in law posted this on Facebook and I thought it looked like a great idea to do for the blog since Valentines Day is just around the corner! Enjoy! 

Who's older? Cory is a little over a year older than me by age. 

Who was interested first? I think we both were. It was one of those 'we hit it right off' moments. 

How long have you been together? We've been together almost 10 years, married for 9 years in June. Seems a lot longer than that though. I can barely remember my life before him. 

Who's more sarcastic? I'm pretty sure I came out of the womb being sarcastic. Cory came out fixing a Jeep. 

Who makes the most mess? Without a doubt, Cory. I am a clean freak and he has a gift for clutter. 

Who has more shoes? Are you kidding? "Cory, I need shoes for hiking." "Hey babe, I need new running shoes." "I need shoes for the gym." "I need shoes just for lifting." "I need shoes to wear to church." "I need shoes for the summer time." "I need shoes that don't tie."  "I need shoes to sleep in." 

Who's the better singer? I am. Cory is pretty tone deaf. 

Who hogs the remote? Cory! I'm lucky if I get to touch it. Sometimes I get a little excited when he works nights because I get the TV all to myself. 

Who is the better driver? If you've ever been in a car with me, you can defend with your life that Cory is (unless he's angry). I'm not a bad driver. I know what I'm doing. But the term people have thrown around is "scary". 

Who spends the most money? I am the worst at this. Remember the shoe question? And Target always gets me. I'm getting better though. Whenever Cory wants something it's usually really expensive, but that doesn't happen often. 

Who is smarter? Cory is a genius when it comes to hands-on things. I'm more "book" smart. But just kinda. 

Whose siblings do you see the most? We see mine a lot because of Sunday dinners. But we see his frequently, too. 

Do you have any children together? 2 girls and a fetus. 

Did you go to the same school? We did but we never knew each other. He was a year older and we had a lot of the same friends and went to the same parties and such but never met until way after high school. 

Who is the most sensitive? Since I have the ovaries I'm going to claim this title. 

Where do you eat out at the most? Do I have to pick just one? Probably Little Caesars cause it's cheap and close to our new house. 

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together? Las Vegas. Pathetic, I know. 

Who has the craziest personality? Again... ovaries... 

Who has the worst temper? We both do in our own ways. I lose it pretty easily (especially now that we have offspring that can talk back). Cory doesn't lose it often but when he does it's pretty epic. 

Who does the cooking? I do. We used to cook together back in the day. I miss those days. 

Who is more social? Probably Cory. He just has one of those personalities where he can make conversation with anyone. 

Who is the neat freak? I have my shirts hung up in color coded order. Cory usually throws his on the floor. Does that answer your question?

Who is the most stubborn? I am, although we both can have our moments. 

Who hogs the bed? Cory would say me, I would say him. We deeply regret not buying a king sized bed. 

Who wakes up earlier? Cory most of the time. His alarm for work is at an hour I didn't know existed. 

Where was your first date? I guess our first "date" was to Cafe Rio, then swimming at our bishops house, then Jeeping in the evening. For the record, I don't recommend Cafe Rio before swimming. 

Who has the bigger family? I think I do, just cause I have more married siblings with kids. 

Do you get flowers often? Nah. I've adopted my sister in laws rule: if I can't eat it or wear it, don't buy it. Although flowers once in a while are nice and he does get them on special occasions. He's a stud like that. 

Who does the most laundry? Me! Constantly. It never ends! Someday our house will start to stink and the mail will pile up and you'll find me dead inside under a pile of laundry. Although I use Fabreze laundry detergent so maybe the house won't stink until after 14 days of freshness. 

Who's better with the computers? I think we're about the same. We use the internet and Microsoft Office and that's about it. 

Who drives when you are together? Usually Cory. Sometimes I give him a break whenever I'm feeling like a control freak. 

Who picks where you go to dinner? Cory has learned to say "I'm good with whatever you want."  

Who wears the pants in the relationship? I mean... I'm kinda bossy and can be controlling but when it comes to the important things we always work together. 

Who eats more sweets? We're both pretty bad. 


I Kept Thinking Today Was Monday

Yesterday we had so much on our plate and didn't do anything resembling our normal routine. Since we were back to the normal stuff today, I kept thinking it was Monday. It was kind of a pleasant surprise each time I realized it was Tuesday. The week is almost half over!! 

Our Sunday started off really great. I got to cuddle with these two for a while. 
I know most people hate 1:00 church, but I actually like it. We get a much more relaxed Sunday morning, and when we get out of church it's practically dinner time! Hoorah!! 

It was my week to teach the gospel doctrine class so I was anxious to get that over with. Thankfully we have great members in our ward who are always willing to participate so I didn't have to do much. They always help teach the lesson for me. 

After church is was time for the Super Bowl!!!! How about that game, eh? So crazy! We had a plethora of junk food to eat and I finished off the evening feeling like this:
Ok I honestly didn't eat as much as I thought I would, which was a good thing. But I still felt full. 

And my heart felt full because this happened AGAIN for the third time in like a month. I am loving it!!! 

Yesterday was a crazy day, but we got a lot of stuff done. We had our first doctor appointment and got to see the baby. 
As we were sitting in the waiting room I kept hearing my doctors voice back in the patient area. His voice brought back tons of trauma and stress of having Brynlie and I started to wonder why we were doing this all over again. I thought of the pain and fear of childbirth and my chest got tight and I struggled to breathe. I had a panic attack just sitting there. I was able to bring myself back down again, but it totally caught me off guard and scared me. I'm not joking when I say I have PTSD from Brynlie's pregnancy. 

I was also super nervous for this ultrasound. It's a long story I'll have to share with you later, but I was about 80% sure we were having twins. I was petrified to have that confirmed. Thankfully, that wasn't the case and there is only one baby growing inside me. Everything looks good so far and baby is measuring right where it should be. The girls loved seeing it wiggle around and Kennedy held on to the ultrasound pictures afterward and just kept staring at them. They're so pumped! We didn't get good pictures this time but he said next time we will get more. 

Seeing the little bean moving around made it more real for me. It got me a little excited even. We're really doing this. It's happening.  

So house update...

Guys, all the drywall is DONE!!!!!!! *ceeeelllllebrate good times, come on!* 

We've moved on to painting the remaining bedrooms. Yesterday afternoon we got the baby's room primed and ready to paint after we find out the gender. Today Cory primed our bedroom and bathroom and hopefully I can get started on painting that this weekend. The main bath is just about done... we need to install the door, finish the tiny bit of tile, then grout and install the plumbing fixtures and we're in business! 

My mom is also finished making the bedding for the girls bunk beds. They turned out so freaking cute and soft and fluffy! Just how I wanted!! 
She's making the pillow cases as I type this. She and I have had a few chuckles over this project. It has taken more time and WAY more money than we planned on. I searched everywhere for bedding that was available for sale like this and couldn't find any, so we went ahead and made it. Tons more money later, they're adorable and perfect, but I saw something very similar at Target the other day for a fraction of the cost haha! Oh well, these are amazing and made with love. And it's going to be the cutest room ever! 

We're hoping to move in soon -- like a month maybe? Maybe slightly more? Depending. I'm not sure why the Lord wanted me to get pregnant so fast. It's been hard because before this happened I was going to the house when Cory was working and doing what I could to help. Now I'm pregnant and too wiped out or sick to care. But I'm trying to power through and do what I can. 

So remember me talking about a LorĂ©al conditioner I've been loving that was pretty expensive? The price keeps going up on Amazon and I can't seem to find it anywhere else. I decided to try something new and save some money. I bought this stuff a few weeks ago when my other stuff ran out. It was almost 1/3 of the cost! Yay! 
Admittedly it doesn't smell as great, but I have really been loving it. Again, I only use it once a week, but it totally transforms my hair. I've also been adding lemon, vitamin E, and rosemary essential oils to my shampoo. I saw an article about how they can help hair loss and repair damage and dryness. I'm still losing my hair like crazy, but my hair has been smoother and softer. I guess essential oils can't beat hormone problems. But at least it's helping the hair that's there. 

I also saw an (almost) all natural skincare routine from a girl I follow on instagram that I'm going to start trying once we get paid again. If it works out I'll have to let you know. Cheap and affective sounds too good to be true. We'll see! Haha 

I'm currently reading a book that I am dying to share with you about health, our bodies and how to help thyroid and adrenal problems. It's a book for every single woman. I'm only 1/8 of the way through and I've learned so much. I'll talk about it more once I've finished reading it so I can give you my full review. But I came across this little quote in it and it hit me pretty hard. 
 How true this is!! Ugh, I need to finish so I can talk to you guys about it!! I'm hurrying. I promise. 

I leave you today with a meme I saw on Facebook that made me choke on my dinner with laughter. Enjoy. 

See you, soon! 


Fizzy Friday

Well, we can kiss a healthy pregnancy goodbye. At least a healthy first trimester. 

Other than one major episode with needing Sour Skittles like I needed air, I never got any serious cravings while being pregnant with the other two. But this baby is killing me! I've had a Coke almost every day since the Jazz game. I don't even have words for how ashamed I am of that. 
I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but I'm serious. 10 years is a long time to go without this horrible stuff. I've done a very fine job brainwashing my girls that soda is bad for you (sorry guys, but it is..) so they always look at me like I'm sinning every time I get one, and I feel like I'm sinning. 

But I can't deny how much better it makes me feel. I'm seriously a new person after I've had one. My stomach feels better, the caffeine helps me actually be able to move around... crap gets DONE when I have some Coke in my system. And Coke does some serious crap to my system as well. I feel tons better for a while, then it gives me bubbly swamp stomach and usually ends up cleaning out my digestive system. Everyone keeps telling me my body will eventually get used to it, but I don't want my body to get used to pop again. That's the whole point!! Ah! I'm trying really hard to either not drink it or only have one 8oz serving a day. Nothing major. I'm 9 weeks now. Hopefully only a few more weeks of this nausea crap and I can start my sober days count over again. 

The other thing that has been a major craving and has been helping me feel a little better are these:
They're high in fat and calories, but they also have a decent amount of protein and I think that's why they've helped. Protein and I aren't getting along. And let's get real -- I'm going to get really fat no matter what, so what's more fat and calories? Haha 

Fingers crossed the second trimester is much, much easier for me diet wise. Ugh, I am not a fan of pregnancy. 

But I am a fan of these two so at least there's an amazing outcome for 9 months of torture. 
They wanted to try my face mask last night so we had a little facial session before we all showered and went to bed. Kennedy kept saying hers itched and Brynlie kept poking her finger in it and trying to eat it. Maybe next time we'll try egg yolks so it's more "organic". 

Oh my sweet, sweet Kennedy... the other night we watched Brave before bed and she was scared to go to sleep. I have no idea how Harry Potter doesn't phase her but Brave gives her nightmares?? Anyway, I turned on a lullaby song from my old phone and left it playing on repeat softly as they fell asleep. It did the trick!! And she has listened to that song probably a million times since then, including every night. Yesterday she tucked her doggy in for a nap and left it playing next to it. 
 She actually did the same for me today as well when I fell asleep for about 20 minutes on the couch. She has such a huge heart and is so caring and thoughtful of others. It makes me sob when I think about it. I admire her so much and I know as she gets older people are going to take advantage of that huge heart and she's going to get hurt. That kills me inside. I want to protect her from any kind of pain. But I also know she's going to meet people who are deserving of her love and they're going to be the luckiest on earth. 

I struggle with Kennedy sometimes, though. For over a year now I've been really concerned about her inability to stay focused on anything. She needs constant reminding to get any task done. She gets so easily distracted and she spaces out pretty much all the time. It's affecting her school performance and has really been weighing on me. She's so smart, she just struggles to focus on anything. Homework has become a huge battle as well. 
 I'm not waiting too long to get her some help though like I did with her speech. We see her pediatrician next week to discuss what's going on. I love her so much and I want her to succeed and feel confident in her abilities. She's such a special girl. I feel so horrible that she has been given all these academic hurdles to get through, but she's doing amazing with the challenges she's been given. 

Tonight the girls and I are watching more Harry Potter and then we're all going to bed early. It's been a long and tiring day. Heck, it's been a long and tiring week. We. Need. Sleep. 

See you, soon.