This is a lesson I have been learning in my life lately in so many ways. And it's a tough one.
I'm a selfish person. I think we all are by nature to one extent or another. I'm not maliciously selfish but I get so easily distracted, allow myself to get so "busy" or convince myself it's better for everyone if I remain in my comfort zone that I just forget about others.
Megan, it's not always about you.
I complain about my two children being a handful a lot. I'm always whining about something. But then I go to church and see my neighbor who has 5 young boys, half of them sick, trying to keep it together and I realize it has been months since I had visit taught her. Months! How did that happen? She clearly could have used someone to help her out. Where was I? Distracted. Busy. Thinking about myself. It's not always about me.
A friend sends me a text about a struggle or problem they are having. It's similar to something I'm feeling so we go back and forth, seemingly trying to one up each other (but not intentionally) about who's problem is worse. But did I really listen? Did I acknowledge their problem and try to offer some comfort? Did I set aside my needs to focus on the needs of others? Was I a good friend? No. I was eager to divulge my issues as well. I needed to vent also, so I did. I didn't think about my friend first. It's not all about me.
I think motherhood is really hard and I believe everyone needs a break from time to time. But I feel like I'm always searching for an out. I don't play as much as I should. I don't listen as much as I should. I forget that my calling as a mother isn't about enduring the changes it brought to my life until they're over or trying to make my kids fit in my life the way I think they should. It's about them. It's about what they need rather than what I need. It's about their growth, not about my time to do all the things I want. It's about sacrifice. It's about them changing my life for the better and allowing them to teach me that having fun doesn't just mean doing what I want, it means horseback rides on Mom and Dad and catching bugs that wander into the house and learning how to make macaroni and cheese. It's about giving up a lot of what I think I need or want to give them what they need or want that makes us all the happiest. It's not all about me.
I'm alone A LOT. I frequently complain about this fact. My husband is always gone. I am the one making sure the house is clean and that crap gets done. I take care of the kids almost 24/7. I go to church alone every other month. I feel abandoned because he's always working on the house. But, wait! How does Cory feel about this? How does it make him feel to be gone all the time? To work such crazy hours? To miss church every other month? To be exhausted all the time from constantly working on something? To hardly see his family? Did I think about that? Instead of unloading on him how I need a break (sometimes I really do though), did I think how much he might need a break instead of being "punished" by me for always working hard for us? It's not about me.
It's not always about me. In fact, it should seldomly be about me. I'm learning to look outward instead of inward. It'll be a lifelong lesson, but lucky for me I have many reminders in my life that I need to keep practicing. I can change. It's not about me.