Last night it hit me pretty hard that my life actually kind of does depend on sticking to a diet. No, PCOS isn't life threatening, but if I allow myself to keep eating foods that spike my insulin Levels and cause my body to go nuts and gain weight, then it can lead to life threatening things; heart disease, obesity, diabetes, etc. I read a statistic last night that 40% of women with PCOS will get type II diabetes by the time they reach 40. 40%!!!! That is a HUGE number!!!
With this diagnosis, I feel like I've gone through the stages of "grief", if you will. First I was really angry. Then I was in denial. There was no way this was my life. There had to be a quick fix somewhere. Then I moved on to depression. Accepting that my body basically hates me was really tough. I've had to buy jeans in double digit sizes; which I've never done. I've thrown out all my jeans I had before B that I hoped would fit me one day. I stopped getting my hair done to help prevent it from falling out. I have embarrassing body acne everywhere. I constantly look pregnant... I was feeling pretty lousy about myself.
But I feel like I'm moving on to acceptance. This is real. This is happening. It's not going away. There is no quick fix. I have an endocrine disorder. It's done. So, what can I do about it? Am I going to sit and feel sorry for myself and whine and cry to everyone about how miserable I am? Or am I going to DO something about it? What's worse: feeling tired and sick all the time and hating being so much fatter? Or cracking down and putting in the prep it takes to make sure I eat only things that are good for me? Definitely the first one.
So, I've accepted it. And I'm fighting it. I don't want diabetes. I don't want to be obese. I want clear skin again. I want to feel good about myself again. I want to do pull-ups again. I want to run marathons. I want those things more than I want ice cream or cookies. I can do this!!
So today I buckled down and got to work. I hit the store, came home, and started meal prepping for the upcoming week. I boiled eggs for a quick breakfast on those days I wake up late
cut up veggies I can add to scrambled eggs, put together Tupperware lunches of chicken beasts, broccoli, and sweet potatoes, sorted out nuts into baggies for a snack... I'm ready!! I am usually on my own for breakfast and lunch so it's easy for me to plan those things. Dinner is a little trickier. We can't afford to feed so many people healthy dinners all the time, so figuring that out will be a process, but I'll get it. If I have to make Mac and cheese for everyone else on top of what my body needs, I'll do it.
I'm sharing this with you so I can have some accountability. I need to stay strong. I need to remember why I'm doing this. I need a support system. So if you feel like you wanna take on the responsibility, please do! :)
Ok, enough about that for now.
Cory (and I) got our fireplace installed on Friday!
Obviously this filter is supposed to make people look pretty, but when you add a pretty girl with a pretty filter, it takes your breath away.
I knew it wouldn't take long for me to start missing running. What, a week? With all the fall marathons going on right now I am getting sooooo jealous! But, there is a time and season for everything, and my season is at an end for now. But then I'll be back and this meme will be me again.
Ok that's it for me today. I've been staying up way too late these last couple days. Time to hit the hay, even though the Utah football game still has more than a quarter to go. See you, soon!