9.04.2016

Not Feeling 100%

I'm so sorry for the sporadic posting lately. This sums up my mood the last little while -- I'm definitely not running on a full tank. 
Truth be told, I am having a really rough time with life. Adjusting to being back on a school schedule and working has been tough (and boring). Brynlie has had such a hard time with Kennedy being gone and has been a complete and utter nightmare the past week. I'm frustrated with my physical problems. I feel frustrated with so many things in life. I love my children so much but they are turning me into a beast being alone with them ALL. THE. TIME. And the crowning stressor is most definitely the house. I am beyond sick of not having a husband. I'm sick of worrying about where the money is going to come from. I'm sick of it all. 


So yeah, I haven't been handling things well and I haven't felt like myself in a really long time. I also haven't opened up about how much I'm struggling with anyone but Cory because I understand there are way worse problems in life and I am a complete and total wimp. But, today, by what can only be total inspiration our fast and testimony meeting was based solely on trials and how to get through them. It was humbling to be reminded that I'm not the only one suffering and learning through this crazy life. And to hear the testimonies about faith and patience also helped remind me of my own testimony that the Lord knows what He's doing. I've REALLY struggled with why we were told to buy the house we did when it's been a huge financial burden. But today I resolved to have faith. I love our house and someday when this whole nightmare is over and we are finally living there, I think we will be very happy. And hopefully the Lord helps provide a way for us to get it finished because I am freaking out a tad. 


I really needed to hear what I did in church today. I know I need to have more faith, so that's what I'm going to work on from now on. Hopefully it'll help lighten my mood. I hate feeling like this. I truly do. I want to be me again. 


Our lives have been super boring lately because we spend our mornings with school/gym time/work/errands which really isn't that exciting. It has forced me to be better with meal prepping though since we basically live in the car for 4-5 hours every day. So I guess that's a perk. Now if I could just keep the control going after we get home... 


Kennedy is LOVING school which makes me super happy. I was having so much anxiety for her for some reason. It's only been a full week and her whole attitude has changed so much (for the better) and she's much more willing to listen and work with me on letters and sounds. Friday she came home with a toy lizard that she got to pick from the treasure box for being so good. As a previous teacher, that made me unbelievably proud!! It's the little things, right? Go Kennedy! Cory and I have been getting emotional dropping her off in the mornings watching her run inside with a humongous smile on her face, with her gigantic, hideous backpack that goes to the back of her knees bouncing back and forth, because we can't believe how big she's getting. She's growing up way too fast. Maybe by the end of the year she'll grow into her backpack?


I'm also grateful I have a job that's so flexible, I can take my kids to, and where I can earn a little extra money for our family. It really isn't much, but it does help. Especially with this whole stupid house stuff. 


The house has also taught me what's important in life, as weird as that sounds. I feel like for a while there I was caught up in wanting "things" and now I've been forced to prioritize and remember what really matters most to me and my family. "Things" won't make us happy. Being together and providing for our children will. 


I didn't mean for this post to turn into a sappy one, but since it has, let's keep the ball rolling...


I'm also so freaking grateful for wonderful friends. 
This lady has gotten the brunt of my venting, my tears, my frustration, and my bombardment of annoying texts as I watch Bachelor in Paradise, and she's always there and always has something amazing to say. She's also not the only one who has been there for me and I appreciate all the wonderful people in my life. I truly am blessed. 


And thank heavens for IKEA, because without it we wouldn't be able to afford furniture for our house. 
We met up to "window shop" and check out some options for when we're ready to move in and I was pleasantly surprised at the selection. I'm ready to organize the crap out of our small spaces!! Once they're put back together and painted, that is. 


Well, I think that's it for today. Enjoy the rest of your Labor Day weekend, everyone! 
See you, soon! 






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