8.13.2016

Pick Myself Back Up

Today I went for my first "long run" in a really long time. 
knew I wasn't prepared and that it was going to be tough. To be perfectly honest, other than the company (which is the only reason I went on the run in the first place) it really sucked. Like, really sucked. 


I only planned on running 12-13 miles but due to a mishap of leaving my keys in my friends car at the top of Emigration Canyon (yup... I'm stupid) I ended up having to go farther until my mom came and saved the day. My friend kept going and finished her 18 miles while my mom took me back home and I quickly showered and picked her up in Cory's car and took her back to the top of the canyon. It was an exciting morning haha. The whole run was difficult for me. I felt tired and sluggish and any uphill just murdered me. I also had a difficult time breathing thanks to the poor air quality. You can tell by my splits that I just kept running out of steam. I ended up walking mile 14 until I was picked up. 
But I have to be fair to myself: I'm not training, so I've lost a lot of fitness. I'm still heavier than I should be. I'm currently fighting an infection and haven't been feeling well. I'm not used to running in the heat. Blah, blah, blah. 


But even with all the reasons I already knew the run wasn't going to be awesome, I still took it kind of hard. I've struggled to accept how fast and how much my body and my running has changed in the last 3 months. I was working so hard and loving it and was improving so much! I felt like this summer was going to be one to remember. I had lofty goals that I planned on crushing and nothing was going to stand in my way! 


In a matter of weeks that all was lost. But, life happens. I'm grateful I finally found out what was wrong with me and in a weird way, I'm grateful my body did flip out like it did so that I had some validation of what I always knew; that something just wasn't right. But during the time I was getting that all figured out, I lost a lot of what I had worked for. My goals slipped through my fingers and instead of killing it this summer, I've spent the months digressing. Part of that is my fault. PCOS or not, I should have kept trying, but it's been kind of hard on me emotionally. 


Anyway, the point is, it's been disappointing. It's been hard. My body hates me. But I also thought today that sitting around feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help things along. I can either wallow in my self-pity or I can pick myself back up and keep trying. I'm choosing to keep trying. I'm not going to accept that this is the way things have to be just because I've been diagnosed with this syndrome. It'll be harder, and my goals may have to change for now, but I want you to know I plan on working for something. 


Ok, that's enough of my little rant. The run kinda sucked (physically) but I'm not going to let that defeat me. The end. 



After the run we spent the rest of the day working on the house, which Brynlie thinks is too noisy. 
It's almost impossible to get anything done with the kids there though. It's been frustrating because we're now at a point where I can finally help Cory, but instead I'm dealing with them. I swear the place is never going to get done. 


Brynlie tanked hard on our way home and Cory took full advantage of that. 
We spent the rest of the night resting and watching the olymoics. But now I am completely beat. My bed is calling my name!! 


See you, soon! 










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