Monday Madness

Sometimes I am just blown away at how much God loves us. It's unreal. 

Saturday was a very hard day for me. After I blogged I sat in the dark, alone, and just sank deeper into the self-pity and unexplainable despair that had crushed me that week. I decided to go to bed but first opened my Gospel Library app to read my scriptures. It was opened to Elder Hollands most recent talk (which rocked my world) that he gave in general conference a couple weeks ago. I planned to read it again a few nights ago and ran out of time. I decided to read it. Can I just say, it was just what I needed? I know his main focus in that talk was referring to gospel related trials and such, but when I applied it to my current feelings and weird situation, it fit perfectly, and I was flooded with peace and strength again. 
I don't know what took over my life. It was like a blanket of darkness. I honestly have no explanation for it, except maybe I have more struggles with depression than I realize? I don't know. Either way, it was just what I needed. I'm not struggling to think positively anymore. Yippie!! 

I pulled out my Kindle last week, that I haven't used in months, to buy and read a book. Brynlie decided it was hers, and I've had to hide it ever since. She does look cute playing it though. 
Also, after all the trauma it went through, Kennedy's seed has sprouted! She is so excited!! 
She's been saying the funniest stuff lately. Yesterday I was brushing her hair and she had tangles and screamed, "Don't! You're going to pull my head off!" 

Brynlie may not be saying as many funny things, but she's sure doing a lot of funny stuff. 
Those girls of mine are the best. And they sure love their Aunt Natalie. 
And Uncle Collin is growing on them, too. 

Ok, enough randomness. 

So with my emotional nosedive last week I also failed to keep my diet. I've been looking over my food logs and have found most of my sugar consumption has been in my vanilla yogurt, bananas, and condiments. The yogurt was an easy switch, I'm just eating plain Greek yogurt now. For my bananas, I've decided to only use 1/3 in each protein shake I make with a banana, which means LOTS more to bag and freeze. 
Condiments were tricky. I love BBQ sauce, ketchup, salad dressings, etc. I've seen on Instagram people posting about stuff from Walden Farms, which is a company that makes calorie, sugar, fat, gluten, and carb free condiments like BBQ sauce, dressings, syrups... You name it. I decided to order some and give it a try. 
Now, I'm not stupid. I know clean eating means nothing processed or with preservatives. Clean = natural and these obviously aren't natural. But, I figured with the small amount I'm actually using of them, for now, that will be fine until I learn how to fine tune things like that in my diet. I used the honey BBQ sauce for my lunch today and it was good! 

I have to do my long run earlier this week (Wednesday) because my brother is coming into town this weekend! Yay!! Because of that, I'm ditching the gym this whole week. I'm not happy about it, but I know it's wise for me. So today we didn't do our usual gym thing. But I did get in 4 slow and easy miles on the tready
And finished with some push-ups, just for the heck of it. 
My legs felt pretty good while running and I wanted to push the pace so bad! But I had to keep reminding myself that I needed to take it easy and I could push it on Wednesday. 

Today I also met with a nutritionist-type guy to discuss my diet since I am doing so much physical work. We tweaked my macros even more and I get to meet with him once a week for the next 4 weeks and get scanned to see if they're working. They have a super fancy machine that scans body fat percentage and muscle mass and all that jazz. I'm thrilled to have someone with a physical, scientific way to measure that, AND to check and see if it's working. I've had a couple people calculate my macros and send me on my way without caring if they're right. Plus with his count I get to eat more calories, so, win!! 

Kennedy is beyond excited to see her cousins! Two more days! I'm sure I'll have plenty to blog about while they're here. 


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