9.29.2015

Post-Marathon Blues

Ok I get it!! I finally get it! 

I used to think this was just really, really funny...
... Because it seemed like most people I knew who ran a marathon wouldn't stop talking about it. 

But I'm finally in your shoes and I understand why you won't shut up for a couple weeks after. 

The post-marathon Blues. 

I just heard about this a couple weeks ago and laughed at the idea. 
"Are you kidding me?! I'm going to be so glad it's over! Not depressed!" 

And here we are...

I wouldn't say I'm "depressed". That's not a word I like to use lightly. But I definitely feel a little sad and lost. 

You see, I spent months obsessing over one race. I trained. I ran for hours every week. I ate for the marathon. I drank for the marathon. I dreamed marathon. I couldn't (and am still struggling to) talk about anything else but marathon. I can hear people getting bored or annoyed and giving noncommittal responses to what I'm saying like "Uh huh" and "Oh yeah" because they stopped listening the second they heard the word "run" or "race" or "marathon." I know I am getting annoying. I'm so sorry, family! 

But, understand where I'm coming from. After one day, it's all over. The hard work and dedication are over. It's all gone. This one huge, amazing accomplishment that consumed my life is a thing of the past. But the high from it has stayed. Everyone else came and watched and went home and moved on to other things. They don't have the incredibly sore legs to remind them of how hard they worked. They don't have the medal hanging by their bed that still makes them tear up. They don't have the high or the experience to feed off of. To everyone else, it's over. And I know it's over for me, too, but it's hard to just let it go. It's hard to know what to do with myself. It's hard to look at an empty calendar that isn't marked up with tempo, speed and long runs. There's no more counting down the days. No more getting up at 4 a.m. to run. No more Sports Authority trips to get gels and shot bloks. No more carb loading. 

While some of those things are nice to embrace (I don't really miss the early mornings or the stress) it's hard to leave training mode and not feel like a fish out of water. It's hard to not sit down 3 days after the race and plan out your next one. It's like a drug. I need to know when I'm going to get my next fix. I never thought I would miss marathon training. And really, I think I just miss working hard and overcoming obstacles I didn't think I could conquer. But I do miss it. 

I don't want to bother my loved ones, so I'm trying my best to move on and find new things to talk about. I also don't want to be that person who always has to find a way to tell you how many marathons they've ran and how fast, when no one even asked. I need to cleanse myself of the obsession of the marathon. The experience will remain forever, but it needs to remain with just me. 

Unless people ask. *wink*

No comments: