Boobs and Other Stuff

This morning started out a little emotional. 

The biggest "size" change that has happened to my body since losing my pregnancy weight, let's get real, has been my boobs. Poor, defenseless, boobs. They're gone. Disappeared into the mystical land from which they came. No one tells you after babies your body will go through reverse puberty. 

I'll tell ya, it bruised my ego a few months ago when we went to Victoria's Secret for some new bras and after measuring me, they told me they don't carry a size for me. 
Cory told me some day we would get me a boob job and then we could go back and Pretty Woman their asses. "You made a big mistake! HUGE!" 

But sometimes it makes me a little sad. While I don't believe giant knockers are the key to happiness (at least for women), I think having something, anything, is the key to feeling feminine. Otherwise I just look like a 13 year old boy. So some days, like today, when I put on my sports bras and look in the mirror wishing that my stomach could be as flat as my chest, I get a little down. It's a good thing having kids is worth it. 

It's also a very good thing we're moving. They recently put in a Beto's right by our house and I cannot stop eating these:
It's a shame food you eat doesn't go straight to your boobs or I would have things up and growing in no time! But if I want to keep my thighs at an acceptable size, which is where food truly goes on me, then leaving the temptation is what's best for everyone. Cory is the one who made me try these burritos, so it's his fault. They're delicious and enormous; everyone claims you can't eat a whole one in one sitting. The first time we got them I polished mine off and started cleaning up the mess. Cory looked up from his seat and asked me, "Where did you put the other half?" 
** blank stare **
"The other half of what?"
"Your burrito?"
(Pointing to stomach) "Right here!" 

This is our life. 

We got a random IKEA catalog in the mail yesterday that Kennedy took a remarkable interest in 
It reminded me of my childhood days when we would get the humongous JCPenney catalogs in the mail and I would spend time flipping through them to see the toys and accidentally see the grown ups in their underwear and giggle. Oh, to be young and innocent again...

Just kidding, that wasn't any fun. I didn't have any boobs then, either. 

I've got a canyon run planned early tomorrow morning that I'm super stoked for. I haven't been down this one since I was pregnant. I'm hoping for a much more pleasant experience. Fingers crossed! 

P.S. It's almost Friday. Which means nothing to me, because I'm a mom, but for those that care, it's almost Friday. 


Stress, TV, and Family Pics

The last few days I have felt like an absolute failure as a mother. I've lost my patience way too quickly, yelled way too much, sworn way too loudly (and too much), and have just had horns and a tail. 

The thing I wish the most that I could change about myself is how much I freak out when I'm stressed out or feeling depressed or upset. It gets ugly. I know it gets ugly. And try as I might, I haven't found a way to control it that isn't doctor prescribed. I've felt particularly out of control the last week as I've been stressed out about getting everything packed and ready for the big move. I didn't think it was that stressful. I don't sit and think, "Gosh packing and moving is really wearing me down!" But apparently it is, because I've lost my crap more times than should be acceptable. 

Does anyone have any remedies for controlling your emotions? I feel like the Hulk... Once the anger builds there's no stopping it. And I smash like the Hulk. Maybe it's time to consider a medical option again, but before I do, I want to hear more home remedies or tricks that have worked for you. Any ideas?? My family and I would really appreciate a Mommy who isn't evil over half the day. 

Ok heavy stuff over. I finally caught up on the Bachelorette last night. 
She made the right choice. I usually poke fun at these relationships but I actually hope these guys make it. They're really cute together and seem genuinely happy. And I totally plan on watching Bachelor in Paradise on Sunday. Anyone else? 

And, So You Think You Can Dance has rocked the house this season, too! My front runner: JaJa
She's flipping amazing. There's some incredible talent on both teams this season. However... Isn't it supposed to be a family show? 
Like... For real?! The dance was super nasty and suggestive as well. Kennedy loves to watch this show with me and I had to cover her eyes. It really disappointed me. 

Alright, now for the real reason you're all here: more family pics. I'll share a few of my faves. 

I love them! I am one blessed individual. 


Packing, Packing, Packing!

I've literally been packing most of the day today. And yet there's barely a dent made. Wah!!! It's been interesting packing with the girls around. I can tell it's rattling Kennedy a bit and Brynlie just thinks all the boxes are a dream come true and gets super hyper until she becomes adrenaline-impaired and hurts herself. Kennedy has also taken a sudden, deep, personal connection to every toy of hers I've put into a box that she hasn't touched in the last 6 months. "No, Mom, that empty Lego's box is my favorite!" So it's not going super well, but at least it's going. I still have so much more to do. 

Since I've been busy doing that today there hasn't been much to report. I ran, went to the gym, grocery shopped, and played with cardboard all day. But there's two things I wish to share with you and then I will make a valiant effort to blog more tomorrow. 

One of my favorite things about this stinker is that any time she has a booger, for any reason whatsoever, she asks for a tissue, then sniffles and whimpers and says "I'm sick. I have the germ." Haha!! "The germ". It's my favorite. 

We also got our family pictures taken a couple weeks ago and the coveted disc arrived in the mail today. I AM OBSESSED!! Here's a sneak peek from my Instagram. I'll share more tomorrow. 
Now I'm off to bed! I'm actually going to get up when my alarm goes off tomorrow and get my run done early. I. Can. Do. This. 


Pep Talk

I broke down last night. I may have also had a slight touch of PMS, but I just felt my spirit break. I cried to Cory and asked him why the heck I was running a marathon. I was terrified, I was exhausted, and I had lost sight of my goals. And it turned me into a mess. 

I calmed down a bit and went to bed. My alarm went off at 5:30 and Cory had to shake me awake. I briefly thought about turning it off and going back to sleep, but got up anyway. I knew I wasn't going to make it the 17 I had planned today, but I was trying a new route that was just over 13 miles and I figured that was doable at a nice, easy pace. 

The route itself was actually pretty cool. I ran through a small patch of farm country and then out to the airport and back to my house. The country part was nice and quiet and I LOVED watching the planes land and take off. I have a weird attraction to aircraft. Especially F-16 fighter jets. Oh baby! I actually seriously considered joining the Air Force in high school but was too scared of the basic training. Oh, high school Megan, if only you could see yourself now. 

Anyway... I'm getting distracted... 

I blasted my music this morning and kept repeating my most angry songs. I had a lot of emotions and aggression to get out. I was mad at myself for not running 17, and I was mad that I knew I couldn't do 17. I was mad I'm going through this journey alone. I was mad about a lot of things. 

But then I had a thought that instantly changed my perspective. Not too long ago, running 13 miles KILLED ME OFF. It was scary and always left me feeling exhausted and just done. I've reached the point in my running fitness now, where 13 miles has become my "easier" run. I'm not saying running 13 miles is easy by any means, but I kept saying this morning, "It's ok, I'm only going 13 miles today. That's doable." ONLY going 13?! Who am I? I started thinking back to all my past races. My first half marathon I really thought I was going to die. I hyperventilated at the end and I couldn't walk for 3 days after. Look where I am now! 2 kids later, and I'm running 13 miles as an easier run. That is something to celebrate. 

So yes, this marathon may kill me off. I may never do it again. But look how far I've come. Look at the progress I've made in the process of killing myself off. Plus, it's a freaking MARATHON! It's not supposed to be easy. If it were easy, everyone would do it. And any goal that doesn't challenge you isn't worth setting, right? 

So I got my personal pep talk this morning in my head. I can do this. "I've still got a lot of fight left in me." 

Moving on...

About 5-6 years ago my mom bought a giant bag of Chex Mix at Costco. If you know our family, to us, Chex Mix is the shiz. This bag was extra delicious because it had roasted peanuts in the mix. We went to Costco soon after to stock up and found out they had stopped carrying it. It was a dark day. 

Today, after all these years, the Prodigal Snack has returned:
I literally almost screamed in pure jubilation, but the little voice of sanity at the back of my mind silenced it and remembered that I was there with my husband and kids, and if I wanted to leave with them, I needed to act like a stable adult. I let out a half squeak/sob and grabbed a few bags, threw them in the cart, and walked away before Cory could protest. It's been a day of celebration ever since. I feel like I could fly. 

We also completed our night with a neighborhood fireworks display (with Chex Mix to snack on). Our neighbor invited us to watch and we had no idea just how many people were coming. It was quite the show. Over 430 fireworks, most of them aerial. It was great! And the stand that displayed them all burst into flame halfway through. We were sitting pretty close and I thought for sure we were going up in flames as well, but we were spared. Even Kennedy got really nervous and she's a freaking pyro. We did have ash and embers raining down on us the whole time. Cory and I kept saying "Next time we now know to not sit so close." And then we realized... There won't be a next time. It made us kind of sad. 

 By the way, having a fireworks show right out your front door is super ideal. We put our little firecracker, Brynlie, to sleep and the three of us stepped outside and enjoyed the festivities without worrying about B eating matches or flirting with boys.  


Holiday Madness

It's been a busy couple of days around here. But first, some updates: 

We're still under contract. Negotiations have been a little crazy but that part is now over and we're all set to close on the 13th. I haven't been saying it's "sold". Nothing is final until the papers are signed, but the closer it gets the more excited I get. 

I'm still set to go but the wind has left my sails :( I've had some great runs this week which have helped. But my friend being able to run with me isn't looking promising, so I've been tackling runs alone. I'm also starting to feel the physical toll of marathon training and it's exhausting! I try to run 3+ days a week, making sure to always include a speed work run/tempo run, some hill training (I prefer trails but any hills work), and a long run. On top of that I'm doing weight lifting and going to the gym daily for the boot camp/cross training classes, which are intense. It's been really hard, especially as the mileage increases for each run, to find a balance between training my body to push through tiredness and overtraining. I always rest before a long run and I'm doing my best to stretch and foam roll and use my lacrosse balls to work out any problem areas. I feel like I'm pretty good at listening to my body though. I have a 17 mile run on my schedule tomorrow but I know my body is much too tired for that, so I'm shortening it to whatever I feel is doable. I ask myself every single day why I was stupid enough to sign up for this haha. But crossing that finish line will be something else. It'll be worth it, right?? Right?!? 

We've been pretty busy getting house stuff taken care of. We got our storage unit, which is too small, so I'll be selling some of our ancient furniture to make room. Cory is the king of hoarding so half of the storage unit will be filled with crap from the garage. We went to go take our first load in the other day right as a storm blew in. It was crazy because as Cory was figuring out how to open it, I looked down the rows of units and saw the rain start to pound and move toward us. I've never seen anything like it and it was awesome. We got the door open and got inside the second it hit. And holy crap, it POURED!!! Rain that hard on a metal roof was deafening. We had no choice but to sit and wait it out. 
But that doesn't mean we didn't have some fun. Some of my favorite summer memories are running and playing in the rain and our kids are learning the joys of it as well. 
One was a little more hardcore than the other. We won't mention any names. 

Exciting news! My nephew has his headstone now. Collin and Natalie did a great job designing it. It's beautiful. 

Today is a big holiday here in Utah. A town close to us always has a parade and fireworks the night before. We've missed it the last couple years due to laziness and a strong hate for crowds, but we made it this year! 

Cory and I grew up attending the parade and we want our kids to enjoy the same tradition, even if Kennedy doesn't like the loud noises. 
But she warmed up pretty quickly 
And all Brynlie cared about was eating the swag. 
I was pretty happy about the pizza coupons, too. 
I mentioned before how Kennedy has suddenly broken free of her shyness and has been making friends everywhere we go. It's actually been a small problem because she wants to do what the kids are doing regardless of what it is or if I've told her no. She instantly buddied up to the kids next to us during the parade. 
It was an intense moment for me to watch. Those kids weren't the most friendly and I watched in deep suspense hoping they wouldn't say or do anything mean to her. I know that's part of life and it will happen eventually, but she's just barely gained some confidence and I am terrified of someone extinguishing that from her already. Luckily they weren't mean, and she didn't seem to mind that they weren't openly embracing the adorable little redhead girl. She was having too much fun! 

The fireworks were also great. These are actually my favorite fireworks of the summer. They light them off super close to where everyone is sitting so it's loud and explosive. 
This picture makes me laugh. I don't know what the heck happened to Brynlie but the second we arrived and set her free from the stroller, she lost her mind. It was like someone snuck her a Red Bull! I have never seen her that hyper or energetic before. She was constantly running away from us and cackling a maniacal laugh each and every time. We could not stop laughing. And doesn't she just look super buzzed in the picture? I love it! Also, an adorable little boy shared his glow sticks with Kennedy and some nearby kids. It makes my heart happy that there's still good, kind people out there who are raising good, kind children. 

The kids loved the fireworks and had a blast, which made their 11:30 bedtime, and the horrible attitude they have had today, absolutely worth it. 

I totally feel off my writing game today. I think it's because I'm so tired. Hopefully after a decent bedtime tonight I'll be back to myself tomorrow. 


Random Acts of Camera Roll: Part 3

Got in a short speed session this morning. 
It was supposed to be 5 miles, and done yesterday, but you don't need to know that. 

Just when I think we've outgrown him, he makes a comeback. 

The girls and I went to lunch with my sister-in-law yesterday. We both said we were eating right and wanted somewhere healthier. So naturally after a healthy lunch, we talked ourselves in Yogurtland. It was actually our first time there. Pretty tasty! 
Kennedy had too much candy in her mouth to smile and it was obviously making me laugh the ugly laugh. 

I never thought there would be a point in our marriage where I would ask Cory, "Have you seen my balls?" And yet, here we are... 
I've had a really sore back. Gotta work it out! 

Swimming with Aunt Hillary today! 
And something amazing happened. Kennedy went up to the other kids in the pool and made friends. She's been so introverted until recently. I just sat there beaming at her and trying not to cry.

First pony tail! 

It was my old mans birthday today. 
Kind of sucks celebrating a birthday in a care facility so we tried to brighten his day. He's such a good man. I'm a lucky daughter. 

You know you have a good uncle when he teaches you how to drum. 

And you know you have a good aunt when she buys you adorable cowgirl boots! 


Let's Talk About Shoes

I can't even tell you how good for our family getting away was! I feel like we attended an intense therapy session. The girls were so used to Cory always being at work or being busy but now they're bonded once again. And our marriage really needed some time together. Not that we've been having "problems", but all the business definitely made us feel separated a bit. But I feel like we've added new adhesive to our family and we are a family again. For a while, anyway. It definitely showed us the importance of getting away together, so we are going to try and do it more often. I also think getting away from our phones was HUGE! 

We got home yesterday and unpacked and showered and then went out to dinner. I couldn't decide between two dishes so I ordered them both, one for me and "one for Kennedy", and ate them both. Yes, both. What good are kids if you can't pretend you're ordering a meal for them that they actually never touch? I mean, really?! 

After dinner the weather was perfect. I mean perfect! So Kennedy rode her bike while we went on a family walk. She gets so frustrated so easily on that thing but she's getting much better. She almost made it a mile! 
I used to feel like I had to twist Cory's arm to get him to take time away from projects to go on walks, but it was his idea this time! See how awesome we all feel now?! Haha 

Ok, I want to talk running shoes for a minute. I am no expert, by any means, it's just something that has been on my mind, and oddly the question I've been asked most by friends and acquaintences over the years when they take up running is, what kind of shoe is best? 

There is no "best shoe" out there. There is a best shoe for you, though. And finding that shoe might be tricky, or it might not. I call it "shoe dating". You have to shop around until you find "the one." Holy, lots of "parenthesis" in this post. Moving on...

I recommend going to a local running store and having your stride recorded and tested. It sounds scary, but it's really simple, and free. You just hop on a treadmill and they record you running for about 30 seconds and then they show you how your foot strikes the ground, which is kind of a huge deal. If you don't have the right amount of support in the right places, injuries are bound to happen. While I know we all love to find the running shoes that are fashionable and cute, that shouldn't matter. Support and comfort matter. 

In general there are 3 ways your foot can hit the ground:
This is the area where I'm not an expert, so I don't know if this just happens genetically or if it's something that can be corrected, but everyone is different and that's why they make shoes specifically for each type of runner. I am an over pronator. I'm mild, which is good, but I do need a stability shoe, which means I need more support and stabilization on the inside of my shoes. 

When I first had my stride tested in 2009 I tried on a bunch of different stability shoes but I wasn't really sure what I was looking for because I was so new to the sport. I ended up picking the Asics 2150's and it was a great shoe. It got me through my first half marathon injury free and I liked how they felt. 

My second round of running shoes, I felt like I knew what I wanted this time around. I picked the Brooks Revena 
I went through two pairs of these shoes and loved them. I might even go back one day. My Brooks just felt so springy and light. But I had some injuries this time around that I didn't have with my Asics. I'm not sure if it was the shoe or my training technique, but I wanted to try something different the next time I got shoes. Basically, I was still dating. I wasn't ready to settle down just yet. 

This year I knew I was going to be picky. First I tried Altra's and hated the way they looked. I felt like I had duck feet. I've never liked Nike's or Adidas and Saucony always fits me weird. I do have Saucony trail shoes though and I love those. Anyway, I was torn between my trusty Asics and the Mizuno Wave Inspire. I spent a good 10 minutes going back and forth between the shoes and literally could not decide. I eventually chose the Asics because I knew they were safe. But always wondered if it was the right choice. 

Well, as luck would have it, Zulily had the exact Mizuno's for sale for $39.99 about a month later. I almost peed my pants! $80 off was too good to pass up so I ordered some. It took months to get here but finally, my Mizuno's arrived! 
I am really excited about these because stability shoes are generally a little more heavy and clunky than minimalist running shoes. But the Wave Inspires are made for stability and speed. I tested them out today on the treadmill and they felt awesome. I can't wait to test them on the road next week. These might be "the one". But it's too early to tell. They really need to impress me. 

If I never find the brand/shoe that changes my life, that's ok with me. I'm fine rotating between brands and shoes to get different outcomes. I plan to use my Asics for long runs and the Mizuno's for speed and tempo runs. But when I do find the one that steals my heart at least I'll know I really branched out and tried a wide variety. The right shoe is so important, so make sure you take your time and find the right fit for you. 

Ok, tangent over. 

We spent our Saturday with family. We visited my dad at the orthopedic rehab center (he had his second knee replacement recently) and got to putt around on the green. 
Then we came home and cooked some of our trout for dinner. I LOVE the taste of trout but hate eating it. All the bones make it too much work. 

Then my mother-in-law and I went to a bridal shower for one of Cory's cousins. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I hit the jackpot when it comes to in-laws and marrying into family. I feel like marriage is such a huge thing because you don't just marry the person, you marry their family. It can be tough adapting to a family who does things differently than what you're used to, but that's all part of the learning process and learning to be less selfish. Cory's family is awesome and I sure love them. I feel like I don't mention them enough because we don't see them quite as often, but they're amazing. Such great people.