Well it finally happened. I did something yesterday that I told myself I wasn't going to do for a long time.
There I was, minding my own business when I happened upon a scale. No one was around and it stood ready, flashing the little 00.0, as if saying, "Come on, just stand on me. It'll only take a second. You know you want to know what secret number I can unlock for you."
I caved to the silent tempting, kicked off my flip flops, stepped on the scale, and braced myself for impact.
It wasn't good. And I didn't swear. Bonus points for me.
I'm not stupid though. I knew it wouldn't be a fun number to have revealed to me which is why I had promised myself not to do it for a while. Yep, I've gained a lot of weight. What do you expect from a pregnancy that basically made it impossible to move around, much less exercise?
But I got one heck of a cute baby out of it so absolutely every extra pound was worth it. And although I hate not having anything to wear but sweats and oversized t-shirts, I'm not being hard on myself. It'll come off eventually.
There's the word that worries me. I am 100% prepared and excited to put in the effort it'll take to lose all this extra weight. I know it'll take some time. That isn't what I'm worried about.
I'm worried about history repeating itself. I'm worried I'll have the same struggles and issues losing any weight that I did after Kennedy. I ran myself into the ground and wasn't able to lose a single pound because my body wasn't functioning right.
And I'm worried it still isn't.
But this time, I don't want to let a doctor guess That I have thyroid issues and throw medication at me. I want to find the real problem. Which will take some time.
My game plan is to start exercising again, work my butt off for a month and see what happens on the scale. I'm choosing a birth control method that is free of hormones in hopes of eliminating any other factors that could be messing me up. If there is no change, I'll head back to the endocrinologist and see what we can figure out. If there is, I'll go another month and see what happens.
I was able to return to my beloved gym Monday night. I definitely have a lot of hard work ahead of me but it was awesome to get back into the swing of things even if I've been too sore to lift Brynlie in her car seat since. It feels awesome to have sore arms again. And my ligaments didn't bother me. But I'm also not running for a few more weeks at least.
Anyway, here we go again. I'm back in the battle of the bulge. It's a war I plan on winning.
Wish me luck.