5.28.2014

Thoughts About the Big Change

I've been working on this post for a couple days now but finding time to blog is a little difficult these days. But I wanted to jot down my thoughts about having a second child and update the blog on how things are going.

I was terrified to have another baby for many reasons that I don't wish to get in to. I can safely say that many of those concerns were false. This time I know what I'm doing. I know how quickly these precious days go by and I'm able to enjoy them more. In fact, I often cry because I don't want her to grow up. Besides not sleeping at night, I wish she could stay a little baby forever. She's such a sweet and special spirit and I feel so blessed to have her. I'm not freaking out every day wondering how I'll survive. Granted, I have my moments of worry, like how am I going to shower on days I'm by myself, but I'll manage. We all do. I'm soaking up the cuddles and trying to enjoy the quiet one on one time during the nighttime feedings.

Having two is obviously more of a challenge. I just doubled my work load. I'm drained by the end of each day and some days I wonder if I'll ever have time to myself again. But I also know that we'll get a routine down and it'll get easier and more natural as time goes on.

Kennedy is loving her little sister. It was a rough couple days coming home because she was feeling upset that we left her for 3 days and was still not feeling well, so she wasn't a gem. But now that she doesn't feel abandoned by her mommy and daddy and she's better, she's been great. She loves to help when Brynlie is sad and brings me blankets and her doggies randomly when she thinks the baby needs them. Today we went to Cabela's and she spent most of the time hugging and checking on Brynlie in the stroller.

Aside from big sister related stuff, I've felt immense guilt and sorrow for Kennedy. The poor little girl has spent many months stuck at home with me. That hasn't changed because I'm still in recovery mode, and this recovery is going to take longer than it did the first time. She's so lonely and so bored. She needs a friend desperately. She tries to make friends with other kids wherever we go or watches groups of older kids playing longingly, wanting so badly to go play with them. I can't wait to move home so we can be around lots of kids again. It breaks my heart and I feel like I've held her back in life. It's something I plan on fixing asap. I love that little peanut so much. I just want her to be happy.

Brynlie is a sweet, perfect baby. I feel like my heart is going to swell so big it'll start to ooze out my nose. How did I get so lucky so have two amazing, beautiful, sweet girls? Anyway, she absolutely hates being naked. So she will scream her lungs out when she's being changed, dressed, or having a bath. She is a major, major cuddler. Sometimes she will get fussy and all we have to do is pick her up and she stops. And yet so far she's sleeping great just laying on her back, but swaddled of course. She does have her days and nights mixed up so she's not doing awesome at night, but she's not terrible either. She eats every 3-4 hours and thankfully isn't a spitter. I can't get enough of her perfect little face. We are obsessed with her.

I'm having a harder time with recovery this time around. I do still have the pubic/pelvic pain but it's not as bad. I'm hoping it'll just keep getting better. But because of the crap my body has been through and the fact that I have had almost no physical activity in the last 20 week's, my body is in bad shape. I plan on giving myself plenty of time to recover and then not getting frustrated as I begin to rebuild my strength and endurance. It's a good thing kids are worth it.

Overall we're doing well. We just feel happy and blessed and lucky to have such an amazing family.

No comments: