3.22.2014

30 Weeks

There are no words to adequately describe how long it has taken to get to this point. Sure, it's taken 30 weeks. But it has felt like an eternity.

And I don't have any words for how scared I am for the next 10.

This SPD is kicking my butt. Literally. And I've been told it's just going to get worse before delivery. I've already lost the ability to walk around places for a short period of time (grocery store, malls, etc) without being in a lot of pain the rest of the day or it making me so tired and achy I need a nap. Sleep is becoming increasingly difficult and I've woken Cory more than a few times now crying out in pain when I have to roll over or get up to use the restroom. I can't do dishes unless they can be done in 5 minutes or less, I can't give Kennedy a bath, I can barely wash my legs in the shower, I can't tie my own shoes, and I can barely get on and off the floor. As each mundane task I've taken for granted becomes more painful or more difficult, I fall apart that much more. I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

I have a doctor appointment Monday where I plan on talking about this in depth and covering all the bases. He may not have a plan for me this early in the game, and if that's the case I need to consider physical therapy. It's my last option before I lay down and die and let this wretched pregnancy completely take over my life.

I am so ready to be done feeling like this and not being able to adequately take care of my family or myself. I feel helpless, useless, and frustrated constantly. I cry all the time. I'm over it, in case you can't tell: )

I have seen some tender mercies along the way. Almost two years ago We bought our bed and if we hadn't, I would not be getting any sleep. That has helped a lot of the ache. Living with my parents has been a huge blessing because there's been a lot more help. And I've really needed it. Cory also has no garage to tinker in when he's bored so on his days off he's suckered into taking care of me, too haha. I'm kidding, he has always been and will continue to be very helpful and caring all on his own. He continues to blow me away like that. Hopefully with the continued assistance I will somehow survive this.

As much as I want this insanely active and very, very strong baby out of me so I can be human again, I also got the nervous jitters today again. I'm excited but also scared for embarking on the whole newborn stage again. I've been completely exhausted these last couple days and I forgot just how terrible of a feeling that is to still be expected to do everything and take care of a child when you just want to lay down and die. Thank heavens I won't be quite so physically inept when the baby is here. At least I hope I'm not.

We still can't agree on a name. I have one I like and Cory likes it, too but the little punk won't just commit to it. It's time to just dig my heals in and say that's what her name will be. There's nothing else I like as much. And Cory's reasons are stupid. ;)

Anyway, 10 more weeks to go. Hopefully less. Let's hope I can make it until then without being confined to a wheelchair or bed rest. We shall see.

Come on, little baby!!!

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