Peeping Tom

I set my goals Sunday night to get my butt in gear.

It's Wednesday and I finally got around to it. No biggie.

Today I decided to try the prenatal yoga DVD I ordered. I had spent the morning vigorously cleaning and decided my body needed something low key. Aka, something lazy.

I think most yoga DVD 's are a little "earthy" for me but pregnancy ones are so bad they make you look around the room in embarrassment even though you know you're alone. How could you not with phrases like, "put a hand on your heart and the other on your growing baby and feel the connection between the two."?

Anyway, due to my house cleaning I was already a tad sweaty. Lets face it, I get that way just walking down the hall. So I decided doing prenatal yoga in my underwear was a great idea. I hate laundry that much that I'll risk a disaster in order to avoid washing another article of clothing. 

So there I was, a fat, pregnant monstrosity, hardly wearing anything in the middle of the living room alone, contorting in ways no one should ever see. I felt ridiculous and was so glad no one could behold this spectacle.

But then suddenly I had the distinct feeling I was being watched...

My mom was busy painting, and Kennedy was outside. Who could possibly...?

I had these thoughts as I was turning toward the back window wondering where it was coming from....

And then I saw it....

My peeping Tom....


So I Can Remember She Was Cute

I started the day yesterday so positive and with such enthusiasm to make life better.

That lasted until about 1 pm and then the day literally went to crap. Major crap. I'll spare you the details but I cried a lot, lost my temper a lot, got so frustrated I was shaking, and ended the day having a Smuckers uncrustables pbj for dinner while trying to forget my troubles while watching The Bachelor. It was one of those days where you wonder why you even keep living life and go to bed early just to make it end sooner.

But today has been better. Yay! It hasn't been without its parenting challenges but there's pizza on its way for dinner and The Bachelor is on again tonight. I've never watched this show before but was finally convinced by friends to start. It's ridiculous, no doubt about that, but still entertaining. And no, I don't like Juan Pablo.

My child has been chewed up and spit back out by the most evil of demons imaginable. All I have to do is start talking to her and she starts arguing with me. Our conversations go like this:
"Kennedy let's change ..."
"No way!"
"Are you ready to...?"
"No way!"
"Do you want an Oreo?"
"No way!"

Cool, I'll eat them myself.

It has been SO hard and I've wondered several times why we even had her the last two days. But that being said, there have been some good moments and I need to blog about them so when I'm ready to kill her I can look back and remember that she was cute at some point.

Exhibit A:
She's been loving gymnastics even though she's a terrible listener so we took her to the U of U gymnastics meet Saturday. Even being in the second to last row, she was still riveted the whole time. I'm telling ya, I don't think she even blinked. She cheered after each gymnast took their turn, danced her heart out to the floor exercise music, and even made the U sign with her hands. I was a proud momma. We were even "lucky" enough to ride trax back to the car. She was in heaven. Gymnastics and trains; talk about an early Christmas. I'm sure we'll go again but actually purchase tickets so we can sit closer.
Look how tiny they were
This picture cracks me up. She wouldn't take her eyes off the floor and then flashed this. Her expression screams, "take the freaking picture so I can keep watching!"

Exhibit B:
We purchased an annual zoo pass this year and have been a couple times. We went yesterday morning with friends and Kennedy was actually well behaved and had a good time. Nothing super exciting happened while there but I did get a couple cute pictures of her.

And finally, random pictures, or exhibit C:
 She sure loves those cars.
 I got out of the shower yesterday morning and saw the above scene. I think she wanted more milk...

 They had the olympics at her gymnastics the last two weeks and to end it all they had a gold medal ceremony where each kid got a medal and got to stand on the podium. She wouldn't smile. Obviously.
Just a super cute picture my mom took of her before church.

There. The last of her sweet side has been written. Hopefully some day my sweet girl will return.


New Leaf, Again

I know I've cried wolf before, but I'm hoping this time is the real deal. I've been sitting around feeling sorry for myself and getting really down and I finally figured out why that is. Afterward I put together a game plan to help me snap out of this funk and I'm setting some new goals to help keep me sane and happy.

1. I'm going to exercise again. No, It won't be at all to the caliber I'm used to, due to the soccer ball in my stomach, but something is better than nothing. I've stopped completely and the lack of any exercise I know is the main contributor to my feeling bad for myself and being down. I ordered two prenatal work out dvds on Saturday. One is yoga and the other just said prenatal work out. But I plan to do each one once a week, swim one day a week, and hopefully make it to the gym two other days a week for some strength training. I hate how weak I've become. No more excuses. Something is better than nothing.

2. I'm going to take more pictures. I rarely snap photos any more.  That's going to change. Watch out, instagram followers ;)

3. I'm going to make others feel good about themselves. No more "woe is me" crap. Time to focus on others.

4. I'm going to blog more. Even if it's pointless.

5. Spend way less time on electronics and more with my daughter.

I think 5 goals are good for now to help me start realizing that my life isn't over until the baby comes and that it's possible to get through hard times with a smile on my face. Bring it!


2nd Trimester Down...

This pregnancy was just screaming by until I hit 20 weeks. That was the magic number that made time stand still. I mean reeeeeeaaally stand still. It's been a little tortuous. But on the plus side, I am officially 2/3 done with this. 3 more months to go. Or less if I die before then. Haha I kid, I kid.

So below is my documentation of the second trimester. I apologize it's mostly negative, that's really how things have been. But with the warm weather and perfect blue sky today I'm going to try and be positive about negative things.

-This pregnancy has been so rough on my body and the second trimester was no exception. When I ran the half marathon at 9 weeks, my doctor thinks I tore ligaments in my lady parts. As the baby has gotten bigger, that has started to hurt worse and worse. I am in constant pain but lots of pain at night especially when I try and roll over or get out of bed to pee at night. I'm also carrying a lot differently with this baby, much more forward and bigger, so it's killing my back. It starts out ok each morning and then by mid afternoon I'm achy and by night time it's usually impossible to stand for more than 5 minutes. I bought a support belt that has helped wonders but it's a bit bulky and accentuates fat in areas that aren't ideal, but it's been a godsend. Third, my ribs HURT!!! I know I had pretty bad rib pain with Kennedy I just don't remember it being quite this intense. Maybe I just forgot :) but either way, my ribs kill. Badly.
-I had intense heartburn with Kennedy all the time and this pregnancy hasn't been quite as bad, thank heavens. It's there, and getting bad enough I need to start avoiding tomato based foods, but it's manageable.
-I'm still tired all the time. That's due to a few things but my bedtime is rarely past ten and sometimes I end up crashing in the middle of the day without meaning to. The plus side is I've been sleeping pretty well at night in between bathroom visits and Kennedy interruptions.
-I had my first real intense craving where I just HAD to have something and it was sour Skittles.
-Cory has been able to feel her kick a few times now. Kennedy has no interest in trying to feel her. Maybe someday.
-We have 3 names in the running to name this little bean but who knows when we will decide. It was the same with Kennedy and I finally just had to stand up and say,  this is her name!! Cory is so noncommittal I'll probably have to do the same thing with this baby. I'm getting tired of her being baby no name.

We're very ready for the end to come quicker rather than slower for lots of reasons. I'm getting excited to snuggle and have her here. I'll post a picture soon I promise. I was going to take one today but didn't. More to come.


Slight Depression

I've been horrible at keeping up on the blog. 

For one, we're not doing anything terribly exciting with our lives these days. We've tried hard to conserve money and pay off as many student loans as we can before we move home so that has limited our fun. And the weather sucks.

But I've been in a funk lately which I kind of blame my absence on as well as my lack of creativity. I haven't felt as happy these last few months as normal and there's legitimate reason why, which I will touch base on later. But first I'll update what's going on in a nutshell.

First off, we have loved our renters. They are wonderful! They were certainly a blessing sent to us. Before we moved I was so nervous about our home and told Cory I was going to go spy on it a lot. I haven't felt the need to do that at all. I know Its in good hands. We ran into them at Kangaroo Zoo the other day and they told us they're building a home in our area that should be done in June. We didn't care too much how long it took them to find a place because more time meant more loans being knocked out. But we have missed being on our own fiercely and with a new baby coming, I feel like that time line is perfect. So that is good news and will hopefully answer the constantly asked question of when we're moving back.

Cory is amazing, as always. He is working hard and finally, finally is off night rotations. There was a mix up where we thought that wasn't going to happen anymore, so January was the usual 2 weeks of days, 2 weeks of nights, but according to the men in charge Wednesday night was his last for a while. Yay!! It's such a huge blessing.

Kennedy is loving gymnastics. She's incredibly coordinated and one of the oldest in her class so she's excelling at the mom and toddler motor skills class. She gets so excited to go play on the toys though that she doesn't like to listen to instructions at the beginning of class, but once she gets used to that she will be ready for the toddler class where she can go on her own, I think anyway. I hope to keep her in the class at least until May. Going after the baby won't work too well and then it will be summer and we may want to switch to swim lessons. But we shall see. We're taking her to her first U of U gymnastics meet in two weeks and I am really excited. I think she's going to love it. And the tickets were free. Can't beat that, right?

She's also become obsessed with babies which I hope is a good thing. Anything small is a baby and she's always trying to find the mommies and daddies of things too. For example, we were at Sally Beauty Supply the other day and she kept getting so excited over the different sizes of bottles of developer. She would pick up the biggest and say, "Mommy, this is the daddy!" Then pick of the next smallest and exclaim that it was the mommy, and the smallest was the baby, which she was the most excited about. Its cute.

Life hasn't been all sunshine and happiness with her though. She's had major issues sleeping the last 2 months and it is really taking a toll on me. She wakes up a lot during the night crying for various reasons and either won't stop without us going to soothe her or she comes in our room and wakes us up. It's been really challenging because I've needed my sleep desperately and I'm just not getting it. Between her and peeing every couple hours, I can't remember the last time I slept longer than 3 consecutive hours. The only good thing to come out of this was one night when she wouldn't go to bed and was crying she asked to sleep in the twin bed in her room. We had been putting off transitioning her to one because she has always loved her crib and we figured it would be a struggle. But we of course said yes and she's slept in it since. And with slightly less wake ups, too. That was easy! Hopefully we can get her back to being a good sleeper again. She's never had issues this long before. But it definitely can't continue with her and a newborn. I'll die.

She's also been talking like crazy lately which has made us so happy. She's shy and doesn't say much when there's a group, and there's still plenty we just don't understand, but the flood gates are starting to open. She's also surprised us by pointing out letters randomly that we had no idea she knew. It's adorable. She really has been retaining everything and now it's starting to flow out. We love her so much!!

Alright, so me....

Not to downplay the miracle side of what's going on inside my body right now or the fact that I am excited to have a sweet little baby at the end of this, but I truly, madly, deeply, HATE being pregnant. This one particularly has been really hard on my body for some reason which has made enduring it that much more difficult. I have been extremely achy and have had lots of unusual pains that just won't go away. Exercising makes it worse so I've had to miss out on just about everything I love doing, which has contributed big time to the unhappiness. I don't at all feel like myself and I hate being restricted and limited in my abilities. But I want a healthy baby, too, so I've tried to tell myself it's for the best, even though I'm dying inside.

I've also been slammed with crazy exhaustion again, and not getting much sleep each night has not helped. To top it all off, I'm sick for the second time in 10 day's and really struggling. I feel like if I could just get one full night of rest I would feel like a new person but that's not possible without a catheter. Haha. I know none of this will last forever so I'm really, really trying not to complain too much or act like my world is coming to an end but some nights it really feels like it is in those moments when I've just dozed off and Kennedy comes running in crying.

So with being pregnant, not being able to do the things I love, not getting sleep, and it being winter and blah, I've been slightly depressed, which isn't fun to blog about. But I will try to do better if I can.

That's about it right now. Nothing earth shattering and nothing exciting.

Oh, baby girl is healthy so far and very active. She also won't ever have a name. Why the crap do girls names have to be so dang hard?! Ugh!! We're seriously struggling.