It's been a night of reflection for me. Somehow taking a bath inspires either a funny blog (haven't had much of those lately, maybe I need more bubbles) or some deep thought that I probably never would have come up with without the heat and steam of the tub.
Sadly tonight's post isn't really the humorous kind. Instead I was thinking over my life since about Jr high on and started listing the things I wish I would have known then, that I know now. This post could also be titled, Stuff I Wish I Would Have Believed When My Mom Told Me.
I wish I would have believed that the opinions and judgments of the "popular" girls truly didn't matter. Trying to fit in and seem glorified and perfect was an act everyone was playing. I didn't find my husband because I was at the right parties. I didn't discover my passion for teaching by befriending a millionaires daughter. They simply didn't matter. At all.
I wish I would have had a goal for life. After graduating high school I had no idea where I wanted to venture next or what I wanted my career path to be. I wasted a lot of expensive college tuition trying to find that out.
I wish I would have bought any other car in the entire world other than my Jetta. It's only still alive and kicking today because its life goal is to make me, and now Cory, miserable. Hopefully its end is near.
I wish I would have realized that I'm talented and pretty a long time ago, and that just because someone else is too, It doesn't make me less of a person or diminish my abilities.
I wish I would have learned how to be more confident in myself in grade school. That didn't come until later.
I wish I would have realized that friends who talk about me behind my back, talk about others behind their backs, and who are frequently abandoning me to serve their own agenda are not, even for a fraction of a second, worth my time.
I wish I never would have quit dancing. Or basketball.
I wish I would have known that a man who truly respects me would never put me down or do anything that would intentionally hurt me.
I wish I would have had enough confidence and realized my own self-worth so I could stand up and walk away from such men before they raked me across the coals and left scars that took forever to heal.
I wish I wouldn't have let others make me believe I was fat. Those who put me down were suffering from their own self-hate and needed to crush me in order to feel important. I wish I would have seen how sad and pathetic they were and that their words were crap. I wasn't the one who needed to change.
I wish I would have enjoyed the newborn stage a little more. And that I had admitted I had post partum depression to myself.
I wish I would have known just how superficial and unhappy those people are who only care about money or material possessions or looking good to impress others. My self esteem doesn't ride on what everyone thinks my husband's salary is or where I buy my clothes.
I wish I would have developed a relationship with my Savior sooner than I did. I feel like I missed out on a lot of things because I never took the time to learn for myself if I believed in the Gospel until college.
I wish I would have known I would lose a close friend at such a young age so I could spend more time with her and say goodbye.
I wish Burger King never changed their fries.
I wish I knew what the Fox says.
But most of all, I wish I would have realized, long, long ago, that everything that happens to me is relevant to my life and everything that happens to everyone else is relevant to them. My experiences, trials, adventures, and passions are mine and have made me who I am. People can judge, they can mock, they can think whatever they want, but it won't change me.