Before you bust out the parent-of-the-year-award, because we clearly deserve it, let me tell you the down side to reading every night, because it is not always enjoyable.
The problem with reading every night is you read the same books; over and over and over and over and over again. I have 90% of them memorized and I'm pretty sure I heard Cory say a line from one of them in his sleep the other night. A week ago we were eating sugar snap peas and he found one that was already opened and got excited because it looked like the peas in Kennedy's Barney book about food. I literally mean ex-cit-ed!! Like he had just found his own baby picture in a National Geographic magazine, excited.
I will forever know that Clifford says "bow-wow", that Humpty Dumpty is doomed to stay broken forever regardless of modern medicine, that all animals sleep, that everyone poops, and that when monkeys jump on beds, they always fall off and bump their heads, even though they can leap from limb to limb flawlessly.
Not only do we have these books memorized, but we've also reached the point in our boredom where we've started to critique them and point out every little flaw we see. A bull and baby goats would never be in the same corral in real life. What kind of farm is Old MacDonald running?!
But none bother me more than this one:
Ok, so the judgement-impaired Goldilocks is in the house and sees some porridge. Her thought? "I'm sure no one will mind if I have a little taste of this porridge".
If I were the bears, I would. I would mind, Goldilocks. Pretty sure I'd be irritated and very confused if a little girl came waltzing into my house and started eating off my plate; I don't care how adorable her curly hair is!
But, let's not forget, she didn't have parents to teach her any better.
Then, she loses all self-control and instead of "tasting" the porridge, she eats the whole damn bowl. I feel ya there, sister. I know better than to "taste" just one potato chip from the bag. Before I know it I look like a wood chipper inhaling as fast as I can. But maybe it's her experience in food-theft that has taught her she needs to eat it quick and move on so someone can blame it on the dog.
In the usual version, Goldilocks rejects the biggest chair because it is too hard. That is much more reasonable. Hard chairs suck! That's why many of us will squeeze uncomfortably close to others in the pews at church, rather than have ample space in the back on the folding chairs in the overflow.
Anyway, then Goldilocks says the middle chair is too soft. If there's a chair out there that's too soft, I haven't found it, but she apparently has.
And lastly, she spots the chair that is obviously just the right size, sits her malnourished body down in it and...
But this still doesn't deter Goldocks! She's stolen their food and broken their possessions and instead of running away in fear of being busted, she decides she needs a nap. Trespassing can be exhausting. And what a better place to do this than in the house she's invaded!
So, let's recap. Lessons to be learned here:
From the bear's perspective:
Never purchase real estate in the middle of the woods or starving orphan children will come steal your food. Just ask the witch from Hansel and Grettle. At least she knew how to profit from it.
Always lock your door.
Don't do drugs.
Learn to catch a free meal when it wanders into your house.
From Goldilick's perspective:
Blondes really do have more fun.
And get away with everything.