If you're a sarcasm virgin, don't read.
It's a good thing I found all these cool photo editing apps because I really needed an excuse to be on my phone more.
If you want to get rid of that muffin top, try wearing pants that fit (stole this one from Pinterest. But I've thought it before)
It's amazing how many people will graciously hold open the door for a child that's trying to escape the room.
Running "quick errands" in your most homely, jr high nerd, non-pj clothes will cause the universe to shift and every person you've ever met that you haven't seen since you learned how NOT to look like a homely, jr high nerd will appear. And they will see you. And they will not be dressed like a homely jr high kid. And you'll die a little inside.
I'm investigating the possibility that I'm in an interspecies marriage because Kennedy stores food in her cheeks for later and she certainly didn't get that from me. Or from the human race. Maybe that's why she's so small?
I have ten toes. Just thought you should know.
The best way to lose weight is to pin 10 minute exercises that you never try right next to the hundreds of dessert recipes that you do try. Apparently that's how it works.
If you ever want some time alone to yourself, plan a nice evening with your husband. Murphy's law will take care of the logistics. Although there might be some light paperwork at the end.
One of these days I'm going to go out and sing everything I say and see what happens.