2.22.2012

Motherly Challenges

This is going to be one of those "mommy" blogs so if those annoy you, don't bother reading.

This past week or so has been full of emotions. Kennedy hasn't been feeling well. At first I thought she was teething, and she still might be, but she also has a cold now. There have been a few nights of crappy sleep and a few days of one super cranky baby mixed in with her being almost herself and sleeping through the night like she always does. I'm grateful for that. I don't think I could handle the bad stuff non-stop. But, it's been hard and exhausting. And on top of it all, I was also sick and had to try and fight it off with everything going on.

If you don't have kids, you don't understand how hard being a mother can be until you get there. Even Cory doesn't get it sometimes because he gets to leave and go to work. This job NEVER stops. Never. When she cries at night, I have to help her. When she's sick and crying in the middle of my lunch, I have to stop eating to comfort her and help her feel better. It's not like babysitting. I don't get a break. I'm used to it, but some days are harder than others. This week has been particularly challenging. I'm trying to enjoy it though because it's only going to get worse when we have more kids and such.

Although being a mother is hard and exhausting, it's the most amazing thing. Sometimes I really feel like I might explode from the love in my heart. Nothing makes me happier than the smile on her little face. Nothing fills me with warmth faster than hearing her laugh. She's the greatest blessing I could ask for. There have been some good moments this past week. A couple nights, after Cory left for work, I let her sleep in my bed with me. Cuddling together like that are moments I will always cherish. She's such a sweetheart. One of her kisses makes me feel like I could fly. She's so special and amazing.

I've felt overwhelmed lately because she's at the age now where she's learning from the things I do. She gives kisses, waves, pulls faces... etc. There's still so many things she needs to learn. I have to teach her EVERYTHING. That's incredibly terrifying and overwhelming. And I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to do all the things I'm supposed to do to help her and still have time for me. I have to read to her, help her learn how to feed herself, crawl, walk around, teach her words, how to pet the kitty softly, etc. I know she won't learn it all in one day and if I miss something once or twice she's not going to be stupid. It's just such an undertaking. And it's a little more challenging for me since she doesn't have older siblings to learn from. It's just me. Well, and Cory when he's home. I know it's possible. The Lord would not have entrusted me with this sweet spirit if He didn't think I could handle it. It's just scary.

I love Kennedy more than anything. She's a part of me. Sometimes I grumble that I need some "me" time or need a break but when I get one, I miss her like crazy and can't wait to see her again. I feel complete with her. She's taught me so much. Having her has given me a whole new perspective on life. She's the greatest blessing I've ever had. Even when things get hard. I sure love her.

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