I could go into a tangent about how messed up the world is and how people are obsessed and whatnot. But I'll just say this: it's a sickness. And it's only getting worse.
I'm no better than anyone else. I frequently look at pre-pregnancy photos and long to look like that again. I also get disgusted with myself that I used to think I was fat. I must I've been taking crazy pills.
The thing that's really sad (and I know the majority of women, if not all of us do this) is when I look in the mirror, I think I look just fine. I'm not super fit and I certainly don't have a perfect body, but I'm far from fat. What I get all upset and self-conscious about it what others will think. I don't measure up to the impossible standards of the world. Will they notice my love handles? What If my thighs were just a few inches smaller? I'll need to suck in when I sit down so my mommy-pooch doesn't poke out. And most of us make fat-jokes about ourselves to hide the insecurity or to fish for compliments to make ourselves feel better - to make others think we're ok.
It's disgusting. And we're all a part of it; some more than others. Some WAY more than others. But it plagues every woman out there. There is NO way we'll all look like the super models of the world. It's not going to happen. Logically we know that, and yet we still try. We spend hours at the gym, cut back on foods we're meant to enjoy, or worst of all, cut out food altogether. And what for? What do we gain from all this?
The obvious answer is a healthy lifestyle, a healthy body, self-confidence, etc. Those are all true and valid points and especially for the obese people of the world, it's essential they change their habits in order to not kill themselves with food. But I'm not talking about the obese people. I'm not even talking about the overweight people. I'm talking about those of us who look just fine but we feel insecure because we're not wearing a size two and have Madonna arms, which are disgusting by the way.
I'm super annoyed with the girls who are already healthy/skinny but won't accept it for themselves; the ones like me who are too concerned with what others think.
So back to my original question: what do we have to gain from starving ourselves and running our bodies into the ground? Are we really that much more self-confident when we are stick thin? For some, the sick ones, they gain imaginary self-confidence because they're now skinnier than others. But that won't last. You can never base your self-worth off being better than others. There will always be someone skinnier and then the cycle starts all over again.
I feel proud of myself when I've accomplished a tough workout or when I see the scale drop. It does help improve self-confidence, that's a given. But then we walk outside and see someone in ridiculous shape and we're right back to where we started. We let our insecurities get the best of us and no matter what we've accomplished, there's always room for improvement. It's infuriating. And so, so wrong.
So then the obvious answer is to train yourself, myself, to feel confident no matter what the world says or thinks. I need to walk around comfortably and not worry about whether people are judging me or not. People will ALWAYS be judging me. That's the way the world works. There are people who because of major insecurities of their own, will always be picking me apart and finding every fault they can with me and others around them. It's how they compensate for their own worries. If they tear others down, it'll help them "feel better". The reason doesn't make it ok, but it's why it happens. And it's the root of all the weight loss obsession: insecurity. And I think I'm safe throwing in jealousy as a reason as well. Anyway, I need to get off my soapbox and get back to HOW we deal with this in a healthy way.
I'm still working on a solid answer but there are a few things I know.
First: I need to forget about everyone else. This is almost nearly impossible but it can be done. It doesn't matter what they say or think, all that matters is how I feel. Someday I will master this and I won't undermine my accomplishments just because someone else did something better.
Second: it's essential to keep a close relationship with the Lord. There's no other way to be happy or have the love I need in my life.
Third: be healthy the healthy way. I've mentioned frequently before on past blogs that I enjoy exercising. I always have. I'm a very active person. And I keep within a calorie budget daily to ensure I don't eat too much. Thats all I need to do. I'll keep watching how much I eat and I'll continue being active. I won't starve myself or work out 3 hours a day. Whatever happens with my body, happens.
That's all I've got so far. But I think it's a pretty good list. Other people cannot run my life. I however, can. And will. I can't hide in fear anymore.
I wish the whole world could calm down and take a moment to see reality but that's not possible. But I can. So people, cleanse on! Judge away! Keep driving yourselves crazy over reaching perfection that will never be reached. Instead of working on the worlds view of perfection, I'm going to work on loving myself perfectly.
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