10.05.2011

Learning From the Lack of Losing

I woke up this morning and jumped on the Wii fit scale for the first time in a week hopeful to finally see my BMI go down some. Those hopes were shattered however. I stood there staring at the stupid, fat Mii while anger boiled inside me. How can that darn scale not be moving? I exercise for almost 2 hours just about every morning. Occasionally I miss a day here and there but I'm pretty consistent. I've been watching what I eat and have been cutting back on the abnormally large portions I usually consume. I try to do a cardio workout and weight training every day. This has been the case for 2 months now. How is it possible that I'm working this hard and not losing a single pound? How is it that I STILL can't fit into any of my jeans but one pair? (My skinny jeans will fit, ironically.) When setbacks like this happen it almost always pushes me to work even harder. I try to use it as motivation. But sadly I caught Kennedy's cold and feel lousy and it's raining outside today so I can't even go for a walk. This news put me into a slump. I still think I look alright, and I'm not going to give up or let this consume me, but after two months, I thought I'd at least see some results. But, no. Talk about frustrating. Anyway, I was feeling sorry for myself until I had an awakening.

If failing to lose weight is the biggest worry I have today, I am one lucky person. I have truly been blessed and I need to remember all the good things that are happening in my life right now. Things could be much, much worse. I felt flooded with warmth and appreciation for all that I have. I have my health (despite this cold), an amazing, talented husband, a wonderful family, a home, the very BEST neighbors anyone could ask for, loving, caring friends, food on the table, money in the bank, a perfect, precious daughter who makes my heart feel like it's going to burst with how much I love her, reliable vehicles to drive... the list goes on and on. How selfish of me to sit and wallow in self-pity over not fitting into my jeans. The reason I don't fit in them is because I have my amazing daughter and I wouldn't trade her for anything!! After counting my blessings I felt a sudden urge to do good. I wanted to clean my house again, make treats for the neighbors, read my scriptures, give the neighbor kids rides home so they wouldn't have to walk in the rain, and reach out to anyone I possibly could. I instantly stood up to get to work. I must have stood up too fast in my lightheaded state because I felt woozy and had to sit back down again and face that as strongly as the desire to give back to the world is burning inside me right now, it's going to have to wait. I don't have the energy to clean my house, I don't want to take treats to neighbors and get them sick, and no matter how good my intentions are to help the neighbor kids out, trying to get them into my car would probably get me arrested. I can't do everything at once. I have every day of my life to do service. Instead, I'm using the weather and health induced house arrest time to prepare for my lesson on Sunday. I can still do something worthwhile sitting in my sweatpants on the couch, and that's what I intent to do. Yes, sweatpants.

1 comment:

Baxters said...

I loved this post, because I am feeling a little sad from baby weight. It really helped bring my feelings into perspective. Thanks!!