9.30.2011

A First and a Fresh Outlook

I had my first unnecessary trip to the doctor with Kennedy today. I tried really hard not to be that paranoid, first-time mom who panics over everything. And I didn't panic until the doctors office gave me reason to. Anyway, two nights ago we kept hearing her coughing. It sounded exactly like the noise she makes when she wants out of her crib so we didn't think much of it. But then I got her out of her crib yesterday morning and she was really congested, had watery eyes, was still coughing, and sneezing a ton.  But her behavior was normal - she wasn't acting sick at all - so I tried not to worry. She coughed through the night last night again and she didn't seem any better today. I called the doctor to see what they would suggest and if I needed to bring her in. I wouldn't have worried about it except today is Friday and what if she got worse over the weekend when no one is there? They told me I could try a few different things and to watch her breathing really close. If it looks like she is sucking in around her chest to get air, then she's having trouble breathing. I hung up not too concerned and went to watch her breathe. To me, it looked like her chest was rising and falling instead of her tummy, so just to be safe I called them back and they said to get in right away. This freaked me out a little. So we hustled to the doctors office not showered, no make-up on, and in my pj's. Anyway, turns out she's fine, she just has a cold. They said I'd REALLY be able to tell if she was having trouble breathing and her doctor gave me a demonstration. Good thing because I wasn't really sure what to look for. Now I am. I'm sad my baby is sick, but she'll get over it soon. And she's still so good. She's not crying a lot or acting miserable. Just sleeping a little more than normal which is good. She even thought me bulb sucking the snot out of her nose the first time was quite fun. Not so much now. I'm not really sure where she got the cold from. My niece and nephew had colds but that was weeks ago now. There was a lady at Costco on Monday that freaked out over Kennedy and kept touching her and playing with her...She's my prime suspect.

I'm really excited for General Conference this weekend! Nothing better than getting spiritually uplifted in my jammies, strung out on the couch! But more than anything I'm just excited to hear what the Prophet and Apostles have to say. I mentioned a while ago about a lesson in Relief Society that really touched me. I haven't given up on my mission to be less judgmental and fellowship those around me. In fact I've really been working on it. It hasn't been easy. In fact it's been really frustrating when I've tried so hard to be nice and friendly to people who won't give me the time of day or who clearly don't care about me. I blogged about that about a week ago but I removed it quickly because it sounded whiny. I'm just still not sure what the right thing to do is in those situations. I tried, right? What else can I do? I shouldn't let people walk all over me and I shouldn't have to justify myself to people, or waste my time forcing a friendship when I get nothing, literally nothing in return; not a single inquiry about my life. I have better friends I'd rather be invested in who care. Anyway, that's a little off topic. I've learned a lot about myself in this process though. I'm clearly far from perfect. But I'm gaining more confidence in myself and realizing I'm a pretty cool person. Not everyone will agree on that and that's ok. It doesn't change who I am. And I'm realizing more and more that I can't change people, I can only change myself and how I react to them. And my reaction needs to be Christlike. It's been a fun, spiritual journey. I'm hoping I'll hear more this weekend that will inspire me to be a better person. Self-improvement is always a life-long goal. But it's very rewarding. I feel so much better about who I am as a person. Again, I've got a long way to go, but I'm moving forward and it feels great!  

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