For weeks now I've been wanting to post about all the emotions going through my body lately but I can't ever seem to find the right words. Time and time again I've started writing something and I just end up deleting it. I was feeling guilty because of how hard of a time I had the first couple weeks adjusting to motherhood. Yeah, I posted it was awesome and rewarding and everything - and it really is. But it's certainly the biggest life change and it's not easy to just dive in to. Do-able? Yes. Easy? Heck no! Instantly my priorities had to change. I had to worry about someone else almost constantly. I instantly loved her so much it was easy to want to take care of her. But I was neglecting myself. I wasn't eating, sleeping... she came first and that was it. I stressed about how to keep my house clean, how to go places, when to take a shower, get things done, exercise, get her to sleep better and a million other things. The word overwhelming just doesn't suffice. And on top of all these new worries and a whole new way of life, you have out-of-whack hormones to deal with. It is hard!! I have been so thankful to the Lord for blessing me with strength to get through it.
After a month, things are much better. I've come to terms with the fact that everything is different. I'm learning how to do this and it gets easier every day. I'm getting things done when she sleeps and if she's awake, sometimes I just let her cry if I need to shower. I can't hold her 24/7. I've figured out when to get her to bed and how long she needs to wait to eat before bed so she can sleep through the night. I'm even finding time to go on walks and take care of myself. She has this impeccable intuition and ALWAYS knows when I need to eat any meal of the day and she's always crying then or needs to eat as well. But I'm getting through it. I had panic attacks the first couple weeks that I'd never be able to have any part of my old life back. That thought now is ridiculous. Once ya get the hang of things, normalcy starts making it's way back in. My priorities have still changed immensely. But I feel it's for the better. Funny how things that seemed so important before having a baby have almost no meaning afterwords. I've felt awesome these past couple days. I'm finally not sick anymore, I'm getting sleep, I've got this baby thing down, I'm starting to get things done, I'm back on the exercise wagon, and I'm feeling fine being at home for the first time in a month. I'm starting to feel like a normal person again! I realized that each stage of her life I'll have something new to adjust to. There will be new worries and problems to overcome. I keep repeating the words to the country song, "You're Going To Miss This" in my head. If you haven't heard it. you can find the lyrics Here. I'm trying to enjoy each stage because it won't ever happen again. It won't ever just be Cory and I again. Kennedy won't ever be this small and cuddly again. We'll have more kids, but it'll be harder and different. Now that I know what to expect and I know that life can still be normal, I'm trying so hard to be positive. I love Kennedy so much. Even when she's screaming her lungs out and we've tried everything to calm her down and nothings working, I still love her and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. I can't imagine my life without her. She's so precious. She makes everything a lot harder, but she's worth every moment. I get now why mom's only blog about their children. I understand it's irritating to those who aren't parents so I'll do my best to keep writing about things that are of relevance to everyone, but it's so easy to only write about the one thing that takes up your time and that makes you happy. She came to us and changed everything around, and it was hard, but we couldn't be happier. She's the best!
I also want to give a little shout-out to Cory. I keep thinking that one day I'll wake up and he will have been translated. He's perfect. He's the perfect husband and father. I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for Kennedy or myself. Babe, you're the best and I love you so much!