This is probably the worst time for me to be blogging - I'm emotional, sleep deprived, and well... isn't that bad enough? But hopefully I'll have a chance for a nap after this. I wanted to get out everything that's been buzzing around in my head and heart.
Everyone says being a mom is the greatest. And it really is. Some days I feel like my heart is going to swell right out of my chest for the love of my family. I've had this precious little life for less than a week and I feel so bonded with her. I'm always crying - always - because I can't believe she's ours and I really have never experienced a love like this. It's completely new. I keep feeling like I need to squeeze her into the life I've had somehow. But she is my life now. Just about everything I do now will be for her, or with her. And although that's a little hard to change right in to, I'm learning and I'm perfectly ok with how things are going to be now. I get really scared still about countless things. Mostly future things. Cory and I said last night that we almost don't want her to grow up because the world is becoming so wicked and scary and we hope we can protect her little spirit from it all. And she won't be our only child either. It's a very daunting task and we don't even know the half of it. I feel comforted when I remember that the Lord is always by our side. He will always be there for us when times get hard or uncertain. I've already called on Him many times this past week for help and strength, for peace of mind that we really can do this and He's answered those prayers. We've been so blessed. I look at her sleeping soundly next to me and I want to soak in every eye twitch, lip quiver, and gassy smile she flashes on her face. So much that I thought mattered before she came to us seems so trivial now. I'd drop anything in order to give her what she needs. And I will. Because that is part of my new calling on this earth as a mother. In an instant you learn to be selfless and your whole life is poured into this one little person. I'm humbled that I am able to be a mother and I know that Cory is humbled to be a father. We've been given an amazing gift and we're going to do everything we can to do our job right. It'll be scary and hard, but I know it will be rewarding and we'll be happier than we ever thought possible.