For weeks now I've been wanting to post about all the emotions going through my body lately but I can't ever seem to find the right words. Time and time again I've started writing something and I just end up deleting it. I was feeling guilty because of how hard of a time I had the first couple weeks adjusting to motherhood. Yeah, I posted it was awesome and rewarding and everything - and it really is. But it's certainly the biggest life change and it's not easy to just dive in to. Do-able? Yes. Easy? Heck no! Instantly my priorities had to change. I had to worry about someone else almost constantly. I instantly loved her so much it was easy to want to take care of her. But I was neglecting myself. I wasn't eating, sleeping... she came first and that was it. I stressed about how to keep my house clean, how to go places, when to take a shower, get things done, exercise, get her to sleep better and a million other things. The word overwhelming just doesn't suffice. And on top of all these new worries and a whole new way of life, you have out-of-whack hormones to deal with. It is hard!! I have been so thankful to the Lord for blessing me with strength to get through it.
After a month, things are much better. I've come to terms with the fact that everything is different. I'm learning how to do this and it gets easier every day. I'm getting things done when she sleeps and if she's awake, sometimes I just let her cry if I need to shower. I can't hold her 24/7. I've figured out when to get her to bed and how long she needs to wait to eat before bed so she can sleep through the night. I'm even finding time to go on walks and take care of myself. She has this impeccable intuition and ALWAYS knows when I need to eat any meal of the day and she's always crying then or needs to eat as well. But I'm getting through it. I had panic attacks the first couple weeks that I'd never be able to have any part of my old life back. That thought now is ridiculous. Once ya get the hang of things, normalcy starts making it's way back in. My priorities have still changed immensely. But I feel it's for the better. Funny how things that seemed so important before having a baby have almost no meaning afterwords. I've felt awesome these past couple days. I'm finally not sick anymore, I'm getting sleep, I've got this baby thing down, I'm starting to get things done, I'm back on the exercise wagon, and I'm feeling fine being at home for the first time in a month. I'm starting to feel like a normal person again! I realized that each stage of her life I'll have something new to adjust to. There will be new worries and problems to overcome. I keep repeating the words to the country song, "You're Going To Miss This" in my head. If you haven't heard it. you can find the lyrics Here. I'm trying to enjoy each stage because it won't ever happen again. It won't ever just be Cory and I again. Kennedy won't ever be this small and cuddly again. We'll have more kids, but it'll be harder and different. Now that I know what to expect and I know that life can still be normal, I'm trying so hard to be positive. I love Kennedy so much. Even when she's screaming her lungs out and we've tried everything to calm her down and nothings working, I still love her and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. I can't imagine my life without her. She's so precious. She makes everything a lot harder, but she's worth every moment. I get now why mom's only blog about their children. I understand it's irritating to those who aren't parents so I'll do my best to keep writing about things that are of relevance to everyone, but it's so easy to only write about the one thing that takes up your time and that makes you happy. She came to us and changed everything around, and it was hard, but we couldn't be happier. She's the best!
I also want to give a little shout-out to Cory. I keep thinking that one day I'll wake up and he will have been translated. He's perfect. He's the perfect husband and father. I don't think there's anything he wouldn't do for Kennedy or myself. Babe, you're the best and I love you so much!
Our baby girl is a month old today. I have no idea where all that time went. The month before she was born was an ETERNITY!! Now, time is just flying by. It's been an incredible month. Motherhood is the hardest, most rewarding sacrifice I've ever experienced. I know some people will laugh at that statement. That's really not fair though because there is absolutely no way to know what it's like until you experience it. And what an experience it has been, and will continue to be. Here are some of the happenings with Kennedy that are worth mentioning:
- We think we've got her on a pretty good sleeping schedule. It's been 10 nights in a row now where she'll go to bed between 8:30 and 9:30 and sleep until 2:00-ish, eat, then go back to sleep until about 5-ish, eat, then sleep again until around 7 or 8. It's been nice! The best part is, Cory has been willing to take the first shift each night so I get to sleep. He's a SAINT!!!
- She's staying awake more during the day. She's also getting fussier for no reason but it's been fun to play with her more.
- She has the prettiest eyes! They get bigger and a little bluer every day and her eye lashes just keep growing. I'm excited to see how they turn out. Her hair also keeps growing. It's cute but hard to keep looking cute.
- She's very strong. Sometimes when we lay her on our chest she'll push herself up and hold herself in a push-up position, head up and all, for a few minutes. It's crazy!
- She twitches when she sleeps :) she gets that one from Daddy.
- Sometimes she'll grab a hold of her own hair and pull which results in a horrible scream because she doesn't realize she has a hold of herself and won't let go. It makes me so sad!
In other update news, we took a mini-trip to Pineview reservoir the 24th and 25th. We headed up after sacrament meeting on Sunday and hung out with family. Cory, Tyler and the kids went swimming in the lake while the girls hung out and talked. Then we had a campfire and s'mores. I was nervous about "camping" with Kennedy but my parents let us sleep in their trailer. She kept to her schedule until about 3 am when she got cold and kept waking up. I finally pulled her in bed with me around 6. She cuddled right up to me and zonked out until morning. Monday, we rented 2 wave runners to play on the lake with. It was SO much fun!! I probably should have taken it a little easier, I'm pretty sore from it. It had only been 4 weeks since delivery. But it was totally worth it. Around 2 a storm blew in and it got cold and rainy. But we had so much fun while it lasted!! I told myself to take lots of pictures but... that didn't happen. My mom got lots of fun ones, but I only got a couple. I really need to be better at taking photo's. Here are the three that are worth posting:
Posted by Megan and Cory at 8:58 PM
I didn't want to do 2 posts, so I'm cramming the two things into one. First off, Kennedy had her newborn photo's taken on Friday of last week. They turned out really cute. Thanks again to my friend Kristie for volunteering to do them! Here are my favorites...
Looking at the monkeys
Looking at the monkeys
Posted by Megan and Cory at 8:22 PM
Our little Kennedy is 2 weeks old today! She had her checkup today and she's a healthy little monkey. She's gained 7 oz and has grown a half an inch. They also had to poke her foot to do some blood tests. She did NOT like that. I didn't either but I didn't cry like everyone said I would. And she stopped crying right after she was done like a good girl. We've had so much fun with her. I won't lie, the past two weeks have been harder than I ever imagined. It's a huge adjustment and battling those stupid hormones doesn't help. But we're learning and understanding more and more. Also the intense paranoia has worn off somewhat so that helps too. She's still a great little baby and we love her so much. I'm also doing well. I'm healing quickly from delivery which has been awesome. But my nasty cough is still around. I finally saw the doctor and he said it's allergy related. So now I'm an inhaler and allergy medicine and it'll take a few weeks to go away. On top of hacking up my lungs constantly, I now have a cold :( But, I'm battling through it all and hopefully one day I'll be all put back together again. Cory is loving being a daddy. He misses Kennedy so much while he's at work and when he gets home he just lavishes all his time with her. It's the cutest thing ever. I couldn't ask for a better husband, and Kennedy got one heck of a dad!! Here are some pictures as of late:
Our little family
Our little family
Posted by Megan and Cory at 8:52 PM