This Friday I will be 12 weeks pregnant, done with my first trimester!! I've been starting to feel better and I've had more energy. I decided to take my doctors advice of "You can exercise as much and as hard as you want" and jump back on the exercise wagon, so to speak. I must not have been paying attention because I missed the jump. Bad. I knew it would be ugly, but I didn't know it would be hide in a dark cave, ugly. It's been a month since I've felt well enough to do any physical activity. I know that's not enough to put me into the rut I'm in now, so thank you little baby for helping me realize just how hard it is to do stuff with you inside me. Now I know and will not try to kill myself again. Here's what happened.
I started by getting back on the treadmill. My running shoes felt wonderful after our long time apart and I started with a warm up.I was pumped and ready to go. Or so I thought. I started with a very simple pace, 5mph. A snails pace, basically, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't overdoing it. After a half mile, I had to pause the workout and take a trip to the restroom. I thought I had cleared that one up 7 minutes BEFORE I started but I'm sure this is something I will have to get used to from here on out. Either way, I got back on and continued my run. I lasted 12 minutes total. 12. I had to stop and sit in front of the fan to keep from passing out. That was a hard pill to swallow. 3 months ago I was running 13 miles and now I'm dying after 1?? I didn't realize being pregnant would make it so hard. Either way, I resolved that in 7 or so more months I can run with just me again and things would be better. Until then I'd just try my best.
Next I did the exercise bike. A 12 minute workout was not really what I imagined so I decided to see if it would be any better. This was a heck of a lot of easier, probably since I wasn't jostling around and such. I was able to go a lot longer and do a good enough work out for my first day back on the job. I'm not going to beat myself up. At least I'm trying, right? And if it's something I love, which it is, then hopefully I'll be able to just work through the hard times and help keep myself from gaining an extra 40 pounds or so.
I also thought about something else when my "workout" went down hill. I blogged a lot over the summer about trying to love me for who I am and not being obsessed with my weight or wanting to look like anyone else. I was working on that because I knew sooner or later I would be pregnant and I knew I'd have a hard time giving up physical stuff (like climbing, that one eats at me all the time) and getting a gigantic tummy. Plus, you never know how you'll look pregnant until it happens since everyone is different. Was I going to be one of those people who just gets a huge tummy and everything else is relatively normal? Or would I be pregnant EVERYWHERE? Either way I wanted to start early at not really caring about that and loving me and just trying to enjoy this time. But, it's been so much easier than I expected. Granted I'm not huge yet and that will probably still be irritating. But, I'm not what I was 3 months ago and I've really not cared. I know it's worth it and I know it's temporary. It's a change that is so exciting and fun. Yes, there will be hard days. But I'm really glad that I'm not hating myself every day or obsessing over the scale. This is natural and not here forever and I should just enjoy it while it's here. And I should still try even when I die after running a mile. At least I'm able to run some, right? That's better than nothing! So, I had a great learning experience this morning. Maybe after a couple weeks I'll have the endurance again to pull myself back up onto that wagon instead of just dragging behind it.