11.28.2010

Bet Ya Never Saw THIS One Coming...

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!

That's right folks! Here's the whole flipping story :)

Last December, I had 9 friends who were pregnant at the same time and December was about the time the babies started coming. I was happy for them, but I was very anti-pregnancy because now all my friends couldn’t do anything and they didn’t want to talk to me because I knew nothing about being pregnant. So I felt abandoned and a little bit bitter. So you can imagine my shock when all of the sudden I started thinking about having kids and wanting babies. I batted away the thought each time it came but it started to become more and more persistent. I told myself it was only happening because everyone else was having babies and I just needed to think about something else. But it never went away.

Then one day while making the bed, Cory out of the blue asks, “Have you been thinking about having kids lately?” My stomach dropped. Cory doesn’t talk about things like that much and if he does, I’m always the one who brings it up. I hesitantly said, “Yeah…have you?’ He replied with, “Yeah…” we looked at each other and after about 2 seconds it dawned on us what this meant and we simultaneously said, “Crap.” We both had been getting the feeling that it was time to start thinking about kids. We talked about it and decided I’d stop birth control in the summer and we’d see what happens. I prayed about it and felt so strongly that there is a little spirit up there just begging the Lord to tell us it’s time to think about it because it wants to be with us so badly. Needless to say, I was scared and touched. Kids were NOT in our immediate future so suddenly planning on when to have them was a huge step.

So anyway, time went on and I started training for the half-marathon and we decided we wanted to go to Hawaii. Two things that would push back having kids. I didn’t want to be pregnant for the race so we decided to stop the pill in August. Even if I got pregnant right away I wouldn’t be able to tell that early. Also, we were planning on Hawaii in December and that would mean at the most I would be 4 months along when we went, which was doable. I was feeling good about things and starting to get excited.

We began to save money for Hawaii and I researched the trip and got my hopes way, way up. Then one day Cory started acted all funny about going. He wouldn’t talk like it was really happening. This continued for a few days and worried me deeply when suddenly he exploded about going one night and exclaimed that he doesn’t like saving our money for that and he’d rather use to towards a home. He wanted to go to Hawaii but he also wanted to give us a stronger foundation. I was so upset the he didn’t want to go anymore that I completely became irrational and cried and cried. Like I said, my hopes were way up. I finally calmed down and prayed to have Cory’s mind changed but instead the Lord changed mine. I felt that now was not the time for us to go to Hawaii and we needed to focus our finances on more important things. I went to talk to Cory about my change of heart. We talked about not going and when we both decided not to, we felt completely peaceful. We laid there feeling the peace when the thought came to me, “If you’re not going to Hawaii anymore, why does it matter when you get pregnant?” I couldn’t come up with a logical excuse. It was the middle of July and my race was a month away. If I got pregnant right away, I’d still be able to run. About ten minutes of reluctantly letting go (temporarily) of my dream to go to Hawaii, we’d officially decided to stop birth control and have kids.

I can’t tell you how weird that moment was for me. I always assumed kids would just come. I never thought we’d actually get the luxury of deciding when we wanted them. And now was the time. It took a few days for the reality to sink in but once it did, I accepted it whole-heartedly. I started to get really excited and just felt ready for it. We were hoping to get pregnant quick so that I could have the baby by early next summer and start school at Weber in the fall. It was on our minds and we talked about it every now and then. The best part was we went for Chinese food one night and we were talking about kids when I opened my fortune cookie and it said, “You know what you want. Get to work and make it materialize.” I’ve never laughed so hard at a fortune cookie in my life. I didn’t even need to add “in bed” at the end.

Like the idiot I am, I assumed that since we’d both been prompted to have kids and I felt so strongly that there’s a little spirit waiting, that we’d get pregnant right away. But like all things, it was on the Lords time. July passed and no baby. August came and went and no baby. September flew by, no baby. I was getting frustrated.

Towards the latter half of October I began to get very, very tired every day. I took all I could manage to stay up past 9. I thought maybe I was pregnant but didn’t want to get my hopes up. Then a few days before I was supposed to “start” I began to get cramps. I know people try for years but this was our 4th month it felt like my period was coming and I just flipped out. I was so emotional I cried for two days. Not straight, but I cried a lot. I tried to stop but I couldn’t. (now I know why) I wanted to be pregnant so bad and I didn’t understand why it wasn’t happening. I know, I’m dramatic. Anyway, I finally calmed down and just decided to occupy myself with other things. My cramps continued and I ignored them. Then before I knew it, I was a day late and still had cramps. To avoid another melt down I decided to just convince myself my period would start later than I thought. I waited. Another day went by and I still didn’t start. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and took a cheap Wal Mart brand test. I stared at it for the 3 minutes and slowly watched a faint +sign appear on the stick. I was shocked! I took the test to Cory and asked if he could see it and he said yes. That’s when I cried. I was so excited and so scared all at the same time. We decided to go buy a better brand and take it the next morning when I first woke up just to double check. So we didn’t have any confusion, we bought a digital one so we wouldn’t have to try and read lines. So the next morning I took it and it said pregnant right away. I knew it would, but it made it that much more real. I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself. I even did a little dance in a circle in the bathroom.

To my utter shock, Cory, who usually is so laid back and chill about everything, was adamant about not telling anyone until Christmas. I about died. I had a couple friends who knew we were trying who I told anyway because I had a million questions. I lasted about a week and begged Cory to let us tell our parents. I used the excuse, “Who am I supposed to talk to about it?” and he finally caved. We told Cory’s parents first, then mine. We gave each of them this little poem:

I do not have a face to see,
or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss;
I don't yet have a name.
You can't hold my tiny hands,
nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
or cuddle me so near.
But all will change come July 1st
when they say I'm due.
I'm your new grandson or granddaughter;
I can't wait till I meet you.
All I ask between now and then
is your patience while I grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait,
because of all the love we'll know.
So as you're waiting patiently,
please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
of this wonderful family!

Of course our Mom’s cried and the Dad’s didn’t understand why, but were really excited too. We agreed we’d tell everyone else at Christmas time when I was 12 weeks along and it was a little safer to announce the news. Let me tell ya, keeping a secret like that was not easy!! I let it slip to a few people I know I could trust here and there and told some work people so they’d know why I was so tired. But finally, FINALLY I convinced Cory to let us tell everyone at Thanksgiving. I was dying keeping the secret and clearly wasn’t doing that good of a job anyway. Also, I wanted people to know why I was getting fat (even though everyone says you can’t tell, I can tell) and why I’d suddenly stopped exercising. I wanted them to know why I’m falling asleep all the time and why I’m suddenly opposed to so many foods I once loved. So, we got to tell everyone. First was Cory’s family and we dropped the bomb at Thanksgiving dinner. Then we told my family the following Sunday. Most everyone is excited for us.

I was so excited, but then the fears settled in. What if it’s a false pregnancy and there is no baby? What if I have a miscarriage? What if the baby is deformed or handicapped? What if delivery doesn’t go well? Am I going to handle being a mom well? Am I really ready for this? I know stress is bad, but those fears are perfectly normal and I tried to ignore them. I was about 4 weeks when I found out and the doctor won’t see me until 9 weeks along. So I have a long time to wait to hear a confirmation that everything is going fine so far. By next Friday I should feel a little better, I hope. Everyone always asks me how I’m feeling. At first I was perfectly ok and I thought I was going to get the easy end of the deal. But then at about 6 weeks, I started to get sick from smells, food, and breathing. I never threw up, but I was always nauseous. I didn’t want to eat anything. Then, what I could eat would give me such bad heartburn I’d just cry knowing how much it would hurt to eat what was in front of me. I called my doctor and he told me Zantac would help since Tums was doing squat. Zantac has been the biggest life saver! It even calms my stomach down a bit and I’ve been less afraid of food. I’m wicked tired and barely make it past 9 anymore. This Thanksgiving weekend I’ve slept about 10 hours every night and I’ve had naps every day. Compared to most people, I’m doing great. I just hate not feeling 100% ever.

Cory and I are really excited to have a baby. Of course, Cory’s not carrying it so it’s still a figment of his imagination right now. I’ve been told it doesn’t really hit them until they hear the heartbeat and understand their baby is inside you. We have a boy name already picked out and we are really hoping for a boy. We wouldn’t be sad if it was a girl, but… you know. I get these moments of sheer terror where I wonder why in the heck we’re doing this and if I’m going to be able to handle it. Life will never be the same. Ever. But overall, we’re so thrilled and can’t wait to meet our little bean!!!

7 comments:

Amy said...

Oh my goodness I'm so excited for you guys! Congrats! Can't wait to meet the little bean too.

Kristie said...

Hurray! I am so excited for you guys! You will be a great mother! I can hardly wait for July to come! Keep us posted!

Mindy said...

Wahoo!! Congrats! I had a feeling this news would be coming soon :) How exciting!!

Marissa said...

Such exciting news! I am so happy for you, as you already know:)

Jennifer said...

I thought you had a special glow about you when we saw you in November. :) Congratulations!! It will be fun knowing you are going through the pregnancy thing at the same time as us. We found out our due date is June 17th, so pretty close. Nothing in the world like having a baby for the first time. You are really in for a huge blessing!!

Katrina Mortensen said...

Congrats that is so excitng!!! It is a very hard secret to keep I one that I've nrver been good at. Kids are so much fun. Your going to be such a good Mommy!!

Lisa McLachlan said...

Congrats again Megan & Cory! I'm sure everything will be fine. I'm excited to see the little squirt when he/she gets here. Let me know if I can help with anything. :)