11.30.2010

Hello, New Life

I hurried home today to get all my homework done so Cory and I could actually spend some time together tonight without one of us being in front of a computer screen. Anyway, I came home and regardless of the raging pregnancy hunger that always makes me stop off at a fast food restaurant after work, I made dinner for the first time in weeks. I sat down while it cooked and began to read my chapters for my quiz that was due. Despite my best efforts, I could NOT get warm. I had a space heater going in front of me, a very large fleece blanket doubled over covering me, I had a fuzzy vest on with the hood pulled tightly over my head, and I avoided drinking water to keep my core from getting colder. Then the food was ready and I ate it about as daintily as the T-Rex on Jurassic Park eats that goat, and resumed life inside my cocoon to get warm. With a full tummy and the white noise of the space heater coupled with the fact that my energy level matches that of a q-tip, I fell asleep mid-read, sitting upright, for the first time that I can ever remember. Even when I was little I struggled falling asleep sitting up on long car rides. Thank heavens someone sent me a text message and pulled me from my slumber. Who knows how long I could have slept like that. Megan, welcome to pregnancy life. I thank my lucky stars I'm not doing school next semester. I want to say only 7 more months of this, but thing won't really improve with a newborn. And let's face it, pregnant or not, I've always been a ravenous beast with food. That'll remain forever.

11.28.2010

Bet Ya Never Saw THIS One Coming...

WE'RE HAVING A BABY!!!

That's right folks! Here's the whole flipping story :)

Last December, I had 9 friends who were pregnant at the same time and December was about the time the babies started coming. I was happy for them, but I was very anti-pregnancy because now all my friends couldn’t do anything and they didn’t want to talk to me because I knew nothing about being pregnant. So I felt abandoned and a little bit bitter. So you can imagine my shock when all of the sudden I started thinking about having kids and wanting babies. I batted away the thought each time it came but it started to become more and more persistent. I told myself it was only happening because everyone else was having babies and I just needed to think about something else. But it never went away.

Then one day while making the bed, Cory out of the blue asks, “Have you been thinking about having kids lately?” My stomach dropped. Cory doesn’t talk about things like that much and if he does, I’m always the one who brings it up. I hesitantly said, “Yeah…have you?’ He replied with, “Yeah…” we looked at each other and after about 2 seconds it dawned on us what this meant and we simultaneously said, “Crap.” We both had been getting the feeling that it was time to start thinking about kids. We talked about it and decided I’d stop birth control in the summer and we’d see what happens. I prayed about it and felt so strongly that there is a little spirit up there just begging the Lord to tell us it’s time to think about it because it wants to be with us so badly. Needless to say, I was scared and touched. Kids were NOT in our immediate future so suddenly planning on when to have them was a huge step.

So anyway, time went on and I started training for the half-marathon and we decided we wanted to go to Hawaii. Two things that would push back having kids. I didn’t want to be pregnant for the race so we decided to stop the pill in August. Even if I got pregnant right away I wouldn’t be able to tell that early. Also, we were planning on Hawaii in December and that would mean at the most I would be 4 months along when we went, which was doable. I was feeling good about things and starting to get excited.

We began to save money for Hawaii and I researched the trip and got my hopes way, way up. Then one day Cory started acted all funny about going. He wouldn’t talk like it was really happening. This continued for a few days and worried me deeply when suddenly he exploded about going one night and exclaimed that he doesn’t like saving our money for that and he’d rather use to towards a home. He wanted to go to Hawaii but he also wanted to give us a stronger foundation. I was so upset the he didn’t want to go anymore that I completely became irrational and cried and cried. Like I said, my hopes were way up. I finally calmed down and prayed to have Cory’s mind changed but instead the Lord changed mine. I felt that now was not the time for us to go to Hawaii and we needed to focus our finances on more important things. I went to talk to Cory about my change of heart. We talked about not going and when we both decided not to, we felt completely peaceful. We laid there feeling the peace when the thought came to me, “If you’re not going to Hawaii anymore, why does it matter when you get pregnant?” I couldn’t come up with a logical excuse. It was the middle of July and my race was a month away. If I got pregnant right away, I’d still be able to run. About ten minutes of reluctantly letting go (temporarily) of my dream to go to Hawaii, we’d officially decided to stop birth control and have kids.

I can’t tell you how weird that moment was for me. I always assumed kids would just come. I never thought we’d actually get the luxury of deciding when we wanted them. And now was the time. It took a few days for the reality to sink in but once it did, I accepted it whole-heartedly. I started to get really excited and just felt ready for it. We were hoping to get pregnant quick so that I could have the baby by early next summer and start school at Weber in the fall. It was on our minds and we talked about it every now and then. The best part was we went for Chinese food one night and we were talking about kids when I opened my fortune cookie and it said, “You know what you want. Get to work and make it materialize.” I’ve never laughed so hard at a fortune cookie in my life. I didn’t even need to add “in bed” at the end.

Like the idiot I am, I assumed that since we’d both been prompted to have kids and I felt so strongly that there’s a little spirit waiting, that we’d get pregnant right away. But like all things, it was on the Lords time. July passed and no baby. August came and went and no baby. September flew by, no baby. I was getting frustrated.

Towards the latter half of October I began to get very, very tired every day. I took all I could manage to stay up past 9. I thought maybe I was pregnant but didn’t want to get my hopes up. Then a few days before I was supposed to “start” I began to get cramps. I know people try for years but this was our 4th month it felt like my period was coming and I just flipped out. I was so emotional I cried for two days. Not straight, but I cried a lot. I tried to stop but I couldn’t. (now I know why) I wanted to be pregnant so bad and I didn’t understand why it wasn’t happening. I know, I’m dramatic. Anyway, I finally calmed down and just decided to occupy myself with other things. My cramps continued and I ignored them. Then before I knew it, I was a day late and still had cramps. To avoid another melt down I decided to just convince myself my period would start later than I thought. I waited. Another day went by and I still didn’t start. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and took a cheap Wal Mart brand test. I stared at it for the 3 minutes and slowly watched a faint +sign appear on the stick. I was shocked! I took the test to Cory and asked if he could see it and he said yes. That’s when I cried. I was so excited and so scared all at the same time. We decided to go buy a better brand and take it the next morning when I first woke up just to double check. So we didn’t have any confusion, we bought a digital one so we wouldn’t have to try and read lines. So the next morning I took it and it said pregnant right away. I knew it would, but it made it that much more real. I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself. I even did a little dance in a circle in the bathroom.

To my utter shock, Cory, who usually is so laid back and chill about everything, was adamant about not telling anyone until Christmas. I about died. I had a couple friends who knew we were trying who I told anyway because I had a million questions. I lasted about a week and begged Cory to let us tell our parents. I used the excuse, “Who am I supposed to talk to about it?” and he finally caved. We told Cory’s parents first, then mine. We gave each of them this little poem:

I do not have a face to see,
or put inside a frame.
I do not have soft cheeks to kiss;
I don't yet have a name.
You can't hold my tiny hands,
nor whisper in my ear.
It's still too soon to sing a song,
or cuddle me so near.
But all will change come July 1st
when they say I'm due.
I'm your new grandson or granddaughter;
I can't wait till I meet you.
All I ask between now and then
is your patience while I grow.
I promise I'll be worth the wait,
because of all the love we'll know.
So as you're waiting patiently,
please pray lots of prayers for me.
I cannot wait to be a part
of this wonderful family!

Of course our Mom’s cried and the Dad’s didn’t understand why, but were really excited too. We agreed we’d tell everyone else at Christmas time when I was 12 weeks along and it was a little safer to announce the news. Let me tell ya, keeping a secret like that was not easy!! I let it slip to a few people I know I could trust here and there and told some work people so they’d know why I was so tired. But finally, FINALLY I convinced Cory to let us tell everyone at Thanksgiving. I was dying keeping the secret and clearly wasn’t doing that good of a job anyway. Also, I wanted people to know why I was getting fat (even though everyone says you can’t tell, I can tell) and why I’d suddenly stopped exercising. I wanted them to know why I’m falling asleep all the time and why I’m suddenly opposed to so many foods I once loved. So, we got to tell everyone. First was Cory’s family and we dropped the bomb at Thanksgiving dinner. Then we told my family the following Sunday. Most everyone is excited for us.

I was so excited, but then the fears settled in. What if it’s a false pregnancy and there is no baby? What if I have a miscarriage? What if the baby is deformed or handicapped? What if delivery doesn’t go well? Am I going to handle being a mom well? Am I really ready for this? I know stress is bad, but those fears are perfectly normal and I tried to ignore them. I was about 4 weeks when I found out and the doctor won’t see me until 9 weeks along. So I have a long time to wait to hear a confirmation that everything is going fine so far. By next Friday I should feel a little better, I hope. Everyone always asks me how I’m feeling. At first I was perfectly ok and I thought I was going to get the easy end of the deal. But then at about 6 weeks, I started to get sick from smells, food, and breathing. I never threw up, but I was always nauseous. I didn’t want to eat anything. Then, what I could eat would give me such bad heartburn I’d just cry knowing how much it would hurt to eat what was in front of me. I called my doctor and he told me Zantac would help since Tums was doing squat. Zantac has been the biggest life saver! It even calms my stomach down a bit and I’ve been less afraid of food. I’m wicked tired and barely make it past 9 anymore. This Thanksgiving weekend I’ve slept about 10 hours every night and I’ve had naps every day. Compared to most people, I’m doing great. I just hate not feeling 100% ever.

Cory and I are really excited to have a baby. Of course, Cory’s not carrying it so it’s still a figment of his imagination right now. I’ve been told it doesn’t really hit them until they hear the heartbeat and understand their baby is inside you. We have a boy name already picked out and we are really hoping for a boy. We wouldn’t be sad if it was a girl, but… you know. I get these moments of sheer terror where I wonder why in the heck we’re doing this and if I’m going to be able to handle it. Life will never be the same. Ever. But overall, we’re so thrilled and can’t wait to meet our little bean!!!

11.27.2010

Thanksgiving

I'm sorry I don't have pictures for this post... I've been a camera slacker lately. But I'll proceed with what happened anyway even though I've heard countless people say, "I only look at their blog for the pictures." Hopefully someone will read this.

We traveled to Burley, Idaho for Thanksgiving. We left early Thursday morning and as soon as we reached the Idaho border, the roads turned to ice and snow because Idaho has a problem with plowing their roads it seems. After a slightly tense ride, we made it and surrounded ourselves with family, wonderful food, and games. The boys planted themselves in front of the xbox the whole time and the rest of us found stuff to keep us entertained. Cory woke up early Friday morning to get some deals on things at Walmart. I should have gone with him, I could have prevented the amount of money he spent. But oh well. Some of the stuff he got is pretty sweet. And in the spirit of Christmas I told him that he can keep everything he bought if I can spend that much on MY presents. Aren't I a good wife?

We had a really good time in Burley. I always envy how close Cory's extended family is. It feels like he's got a million brothers and sisters. I'm glad I can be part of such a neat family.

I hope everyone got to have a wonderful Thanksgiving and remember the things they're grateful for. Oh, and one more thing... GO UTES!!!

11.24.2010

I Know, It's Cliche...

...but I wanted to post about the things I'm grateful for in no particular order:

1. Cory. I don't know where I'd be without this guy. I was just telling Collin that whenever I think back to where I was, and where I am now, and how happy we are, I get emotional. He is my rock, my foundation, my everything. He knows how to cheer me up, make me cry, piss me off, and take away pain. Sometimes I swear he knows me better than I know myself. He's truly my best friend. I don't deserve a guy as wonderful as him so I make sure to thank the Lord for him every night. He's my bright shining star that keeps me happy all the time.

2. Our families. I could go on and on with this one, but I'm just going to say we have the most loving, supportive, awesome families ever. We are so blessed with such a strong support group and so much love around us.

3. Friends. Where would I be without them? I can't explain the deep love and appreciation I have for those friends of mine who have stuck by me and have always been there for me. They've listened to me go on and on about myself without complaining. They've given great advice when I wanted to hear it and when I didn't. They make me smile, laugh, and love. They look out for me and I love the random text messages I get all the time asking how things are going. I love girls nights and chatting with my guy friends. I love knowing there's always someone I can call when I'm frustrated or just bored and we'll have a great time. Thanks for always being there and making time for me. It means the world to me!!

4. Priorities. Life doesn't get more simple with them, but it makes a whole lot more sense. When I get frustrated that I can't go do something or that I have a test, I just remind myself how important my education is. When I want to run and can't, I remember the Lord cares more about who I spend my time with or who I helped that day rather than how many miles I was able to squeeze in. When I get annoyed with people I just remember I have so many great people around me who are worth my time and love and I should just ignore the rest. I try to remember what matters most in the long run and that always gets me through the day.

5. The Gospel. I won't be preachy here but I've never been happier than when I have a strong testimony and I'm striving hard to live up to the standards of the Gospel. I love every aspect of the Gospel; scriptures, priesthood, prophet, prayer... etc.

6. Our home. I gripe about living in a cave and dwelling amongst the spiders, but I really am so thankful that we have a warm, safe place to call our own. So many people don't have that luxury.

7. Our education. Although I hate doing homework and having class, I am so grateful both Cory and I have the opportunity to have an education and better ourselves and learn all we can. I don't want to think where we'd be without it. In fact, it's what got us #8.

8. Our jobs. I'm also grateful that we love our jobs. We're both doing something so fulfilling and I love that we have means to provide sufficiently for ourselves. What a huge blessing. I couldn't be more grateful for that.

9. Modern Medicine. I'm grateful there's technology out there that can save lives and heal those in pain.

10. Adrianne. I miss her every day and I'm so blessed to have had a friend like her. I know she's working her butt off in heaven right now and working her magic on others. If there was ever a true friend, it was her. She never gave up on me and abandoned me. I love her so much.

I have a slew of things I'm grateful for that I know I could live without, but I'll just keep it simple and meaningful today. I hope everyone has a wonderful and safe Thanksgiving!!

11.20.2010

Birthday 2010

Well, another year has come and gone. Birthday's aren't terribly exciting anymore since getting older just isn't fun. But it's always fun to have a day where those around you show how much they love and care about you. And that's just what happened. The kids at school were more excited than I was that it was my birthday. They made me cards and told me happy birthday lots and lots. One card even had a tooth taped to it as my gift. Although it was a little gross, how sweet of a thought. Those kids are awesome. Our birthday gift this year from the school is a half day off so I got to go home at noon. The kids for some reason thought I wasn't coming back and were devastated. I told them it was just for the day and they calmed down.

After leaving work Cory and I headed down to the Gateway where we met up with Lisa. We had a yummy lunch at the California Pizza Kitchen and then went to see the new Harry Potter. I loved it. Because it has to stop in the middle of the book, the ending was a little...inadequate, but it was still good. And the "nude scene" wasn't as bad as I was expecting. No body parts are shown, but I do totally agree it wasn't necessary in the slightest. Oh well. It's very brief. After the movie we headed to my parents for my annual "Birthday dinner". We usually go out somewhere but I wasn't feeling it so we ordered Cafe Rio and just ate it at home with everyone. I was so excited to spend time with the family but I got the WORST stomach pains I've had in a long time. I tried to hide it and have fun anyway but I finally just had to go lay down and wait for it to pass. I wasn't thrilled about that little gift from my body. It's the kind where you wait too long to eat and then you can't eat anything and what you do try to eat makes your stomach hurt so bad. Anyway, it finally went away in time for us to go home and go to bed. Despite the sucky ending, it was a great birthday. Cory got me the new ipod shuffle for running with. I told him I wanted him to pick out a present for me this year without help. He did great! I can't wait till I have time again to get out and run and use it. I've been way too busy for fun. I got a gift card to Mikado from Cory's parents which I was so excited about!! My mom gave me a new Willow Tree figurine since she knows I love those, and she also bought me a penny whistle. That's right. I've wanted one for a while now. Now I just need a place to practice it without driving everyone insane. Lisa was the one who took us to lunch and the movie and I got an Old Navy gift card from Tyler and Tory. I love gift cards. You can never go wrong with them. Unless they're to some place you hate like Scrap Books R Us. Overall it was a really great birthday. Thanks everyone for making it so wonderful!

11.12.2010

Life

There's nothing like finding out a test you planned to take all Friday night to get ready for isn't due till Sunday!!! Hello free time! Goodbye free Saturday! At least I'll have many hours Saturday and not just a few tonight. Either way, I figured I'd update the blog a bit.

We're doing great. Cory loves Kennecott. And I love telling people he works there and that he loves it. I hate that he has to work some Sunday's. They put him in the parts department for a while which means he now works 5 days on, 3 days off and only works days. He can also choose to work 10 hour days or 12's which is awesome when he needs to be home for something. Other than waking up alone every morning, which is probably for the best given how cranky I can be, it's like he works any typical 9-5 job. I love my Cory and all the hard work he does for us. He's been working mega overtime right now because we're diligently saving for a house.

I have one more month of classes and then I'm off for a while. I can't wait!!! My goal is to finish off at least one class over Thanksgiving break so I can have my life back again. I forgot what it was like to come home and relax and not have a stupid monkey always on your back. I can't wait until I can take that monkey out and shoot it. And I love monkeys, usually.

I'm so stinking excited for the holidays!! We're heading to Idaho for Thanksgiving. I'm stoked to see all the cousins! Plus Cory's mom and aunt are such good cooks!! Then we have Christmas and the annual ice skating get together on New Years Day. Bring on the family time!!

11.08.2010

Am I Ready?

Well friends, winter is here. Here to stay? Probably. But this is Utah, so who really knows? I was asked at the doctors office today if I was excited for winter. I'm glad she asked because I was staring up at the overhead light trying to think of something else while the doctor cut into my skin so I didn't barf. I had a flashback of all those wonderful snowy nights when the flakes are huge and the sky is so bright it feels like the middle of the day. As a kid we'd always go out in the backyard and play in the fresh snow and lie on our backs and let the flakes fall on our faces while we stared at the bright sky. I remember Shasta, our adorable dog would run around in the snow and toss it in the air with his nose. We'd build snow caves and a luge run down the stairs. I felt so flooded with my favorite snow memories that I almost forgot the nurse had asked me a question and I had to come back to reality to answer her. Although I hate icy roads, indoor recess, being cold, and shoveling, I am very excited for winter this year. It's a magical time of year and I think I'm more prepared than ever with winter coats and thermals. I know I'll change my mind after Christmas when it'll snow clear till May. But for now, I can't wait to break in the Holiday season the right way with snow and lights and hot chocolate. I can't wait to spend time with family. We'll have our whole families together on both sides this year and I can't WAIT!! Nothing makes me happier. So bring on the snow. I'm ready for a change of season.