The First Teacher
On the 6th day, God created men and women.
On the 7th day, he rested.
Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day-the 8th day-that God created the FIRST TEACHER.
This TEACHER, though taken from among men and women, had several significant modifications. In general, God made the TEACHER more durable than other men and women. The TEACHER was made to arise at a very early hour and to go to bed no earlier than 11:30 p.m. with no rest in between.
The TEACHER had to be able to withstand being locked up in an airtight classroom for six hours with thirty-five "monsters"on a rainy Monday. And the TEACHER had to be fit to correct 103 term papers over Easter vacation.
Yes, God made the TEACHER tough...but gentle too. The TEACHER was equipped with soft hands to wipe away the tears of the neglected and lonely student... those of the sixteen year old girl who was not asked to the prom.
And into the TEACHER God poured a generous amount of patience. Patience when a student asks to repeat the directions the TEACHER has just repeated for someone else. Patience when the kids forget their lunch money for the fourth day in a row. Patience when one-third of the class fails the test. Patience when the text books haven't arrived yet, and the semester starts tomorrow.
And God gave the TEACHER a heart slightly bigger than the average human heart. For the TEACHER's heart had to be big enough to love the kid who screams, "I hate this class-it's boring!" and to love the kid who runs out of the classroom at the end of the period without so much as a "goodbye," let alone a "thank you."
And lastly, God gave the TEACHER an abundant supply of HOPE. For God knew that the TEACHER would always be hoping. Hoping that the kids would someday learn how to spell... Hoping not to have lunchroom duty... Hoping that Friday would come... Hoping for a free day.... Hoping for deliverance.
When God finished creating the TEACHER, he stepped back and admired the work of his hands. And God saw that the TEACHER was good. Very Good!
And God smiled, for when he looked at the TEACHER, he saw into the future. He knew that the future is in the hands of the TEACHERS.
And because God loves Teachers so much, on the 9th day God created "Snow Days."
It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. ~Author Unknown
A gifted teacher is as rare as a gifted doctor, and makes far less money. ~Author Unknown
Experience is a great teacher, and sometimes a pretty teacher is a great experience. ~Evan Esar
Back in the old days it was the student rather than the teacher who had to explain why they could not read. ~Cy N. Peace
Behind each successful teacher is at least one student who knows how to operate the class computer and programme the VCR. ~Paul McClure
Children make the most desirable opponents in Scrabble, as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. ~Fran Lebowitz
Laws of Teaching
Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room.
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.
A meeting's length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.
The problem child will be a school board member's son.
When the instructor is late, he will meet the principal in the hall.
If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal, the instructor is late to the faculty meeting.
New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
Real teachers will eat anything left in the teacher's lounge.
Real teachers grade papers in the car, during commercials, in faculty meetings, in the bathroom, and at the end of six weeks have even been seen grading in church.
Real teachers cheer when they hear that April 1st does not fall on a school day.
Real teachers drive older cars owned by credit unions.
Real teachers can't walk past a crowd of kids without straightening up the line.
Real teachers never sit down without first checking the seat of the chair.
Real teachers have disjointed necks from writing on boards without turning around.
Real teachers are written up in medical journals for the size and elasticity of their bladders and kidneys.
Real teachers wear glasses from trying to read the fine print in the teacher's manuals.
Real teachers have been timed gulping down lunch in 2 minutes 18 seconds. Master teachers can eat faster than that.
Real teachers can predict exactly which parents show up at open house.
Real teachers understand the importance of making sure every kid gets a Valentine.
Real teachers know it is better to seek forgiveness than to ask for permission.
Real teachers know that the best end of semester lesson plans come from Blockbuster.
Real teachers know the shortest distance and length of travel time to the front office.
Real teachers can "sense" gum.
Real teachers know the difference between what ought to be graded, what should be graded, and what should never see the light of day.
Real teachers know that the first class disruption they see is probably the second one that occurred.
Real teachers have their best conferences in the parking lot.
Real teachers have never heard an original excuse.
Real teachers know better than to plan discussions or cooperative groups for last period during an observation.
Real teachers know that secretaries and custodians really run the school.
Real teachers know that rules do not apply to them.
Real teachers give themselves away in public because of the dry erase pen marker smudges all over their hands.
Real teachers know that dogs are carnivores and not "homework paperavores."
Real teachers know that happy hour does indeed begin on Friday afternoons.
Real teachers do not take "no" for an answer unless it is written in a complete sentence.
Real teachers clutch a pencil while thinking and make notes in the margins of books.
Real teachers never take grades after Wednesday of the last week of the six weeks.
Real teachers are solely responsible for the destruction of the rain forest.
Real teachers buy Excedrin and Advil at Sam's.
Real teachers have the assistant principals' and counselors' home phone numbers.
Real teachers know the value of a good education and are appalled upon seeing their paychecks.
Real teachers hear the heartbeats of crisis; always have time to listen; know they teach students, not subjects; and they are absolutely nonexpendable.