September 4th

I know it's a day late, but I have to honor September 4th. It would have been Adrianne's 25th birthday. Her family had a bbq at her house to honor her and celebrate. I wanted to go, but I've been feeling really sad about her lately and I felt like if I went, I may have cried like a baby and embarrassed myself. Maybe next year. Annie, I miss you so dang much! Keep up the good work on the other side and I'll see ya when it's my turn to get called home. I love you so much!
Yesterday was kind of a hard day all around. I went rock climbing with some family and friends up Big Cottonwood Canyon and it was fun for the most part. Around the early afternoon though we heard tires squealing from the road below followed by a gut-wrenching crash. It was obvious there was a serious accident, and quite possibly a rollover. We heard multiple sirens from police and medical vehicles but we couldn't see what happened from where we were. With it being Adrianne's birthday, and her being killed in a car accident, it really upset me to hear that. I was sick to my stomach the rest of the time thinking someone below us just got seriously injured and possibly even killed and we heard the whole thing. I tried so hard not to melt down right there and have another "episode" where I get so sad about Adrianne that I sob so hard I can't breath in without making that horrible sucking sound. I maintained my composure for the most part. But it was still difficult. The vehicles were still there on our way out of the canyon. A little Mazda Miata had lost control and it looked like it rolled, (it was hard to tell because the top was off) and then ran head-on into oncoming traffic. It was an awful site. Then for some reason I started thinking about the Book of Mormon. Cory and I are reading the part right now where Alma and Amulek are forced to watch those that believe God burn to death right before their eyes. That part of the Book of Mormon has always bothered me. It's hard to read because I couldn't imagine going through that. All that happened to us yesterday was we heard the accident and I was sick over it. I can't imagine the trauma that would come from having to watch hundreds of men, women, and children be put to death because of what they believed and be restrained from stopping it. It hit me in church today that those men had more faith than I can fathom from enduring that horrible experience. Well, and the people that died as well. If I was faced with immediate destruction, would I be strong enough to hold my ground and not deny the Gospel? I would like the think yes. And hopefully I never have to find out. But man, what courage it would take to do that. It does say in the next few versus that those people who were murdered were immediately received into heaven for making the ultimate sacrifice. And they were freed from persecution and ridicule. After thinking this, I did receive a peaceful feeling about death. I'm so grateful that I know I can and will be with my family and friends again in the next life. They're not gone forever. We've just had to part ways for a while.  

In unrelated news, I just wanted to clear up any misconceptions people may have about me and my life:
1. I don't work out/exercise to be "skinny" - obviously. I've always been active and I really, really enjoy it. It's a hobby for me that I love and setting fitness goals adds a sense of accomplishment. I don't care what other people are involved in or how much they can bench press. I do it for me and my health and my enjoyment.
2. I'm not a brat just because I'm not super talkative. I can be wild and crazy but I can also be reserved and quiet. I know it can come across as being snotty, but I wish people would understand that sometimes I just don't feel like talking.
3. If I try to make amends with you after a confrontation, it's because I want to put water under the bridge and let things go. If my advances are ignored, oh well. I did what I could and I'll enjoy floating down the river alone and hope someday you'll join me.

I want to end on a positive note by saying thanks to all my awesome friends who make me feel so loved and cared for. I hope I'm returning the favor enough to make things worth it. If not, let me know. I love you all!!


Unknown said...

All I have to say is, I love you! I am sorry you had to lose such a dear friend.

K. Diane said...

Ah, I saw her bright, beautiful picture and just melted. This is beautiful. Thank you so much for posting. I admire you for the way that you deal with her passing. I am not to that point of coming to terms with death, but I hope to be soon. :)