I have officially become a blogging nightmare. I'm so sorry world. I was reading the Ensign last night about not wasting so much time on the internet... I think Cory and I are both guilty of that. Me especially, when he's at work. So, besides blogging, which for me takes about 10 minutes, I'm going to limit my time online. I want to post about the fun things I've done, what I'm learning, how we are, and such and such. We have family and friends far and wide who want to know these things. I'll just try to make them more relevant and less...lame.
I did just notice something that literally made my stomach hurt that I wanted to talk about real quick as kind of a mile marker in my self-esteem progress. I was on facebook and noticed a friend of a friend who was SO PRETTY!!! I'm talking, gorgeous. I clicked on her name because she looked familiar (turns out she's from around here and was in my singles ward... who knew?) and she had a link to her blog. Like any bored person, I clicked on it and was punched in the stomach by what I read. This girl is beautiful. But all her posts were about how much she hates herself and how much weight she's lost and how much more she needs to go. She's about my height I'd guess and weighs 127 and says that's not good enough. I was blown away at how destructive this girl is to herself. It made me hurt that a child of God that gorgeous would hate what she's been blessed with. It made me realize what I put Cory and others through when I'm hard on myself. I'm not as harsh as she is, nor as stunning, but my complaints have the same effect on people. I also confirmed that no matter how "skinny" I were to become to fix the problem, it would never go away. There would always be someone skinnier to make me feel like crap. It wouldn't be good enough. I don't want to be like that. I never want to get as bad as that girl. I never want to obsess over numbers or perfection. I've only been at this liking myself thing for a week and a half and I've noticed a huge difference already. I'm actually starting to like who I am on the outside. I feel more confident and happy. And I'm caring less and less what others look like. I wish I could talk to that girl about what she's doing to herself and how it'll never end. But I guess like me, she needs to figure it out on her own. We all do. I'm just glad I'm finally starting to see the light.