In lieu of doing something productive/active because I just ate WAY too much spaghetti, I decided to post an update that isn't whiny or offensive... we'll see how it goes.
Today was my first day back at work after 9 weeks off. It's a little bitter sweet. I've LOVED sleeping in every day, staying up way too late, doing things whenever I want, and seeing Cory every morning. I'm really going to miss that, especially the Cory part. But I am also excited to be doing something with my time and having something to get me out of the house more. I can't wait to meet the new kids and strengthen bonds with some of the kids I already know. It's going to be a great year. I can feel it. I'm way excited. Although, I must admit that I was a total baby and cried last night before bed because my time with Cory is now grossly limited. Yes, yes, I am a wimp. Maybe someday I'll grow a pair but until then, just deal with it :).
To add to my worries, I've also been having the urges to pulverize our scale. I hate that thing. For months now I've been busting my butt to lose a few pounds and I haven't lost ANYTHING. There have been days I've been so mad at it that I've sworn and even kicked it - and this shouldn't come as a surprise to you folks because you already know I have the tendency to be a bit dramatic at times - because I promise it's lying to me. How could I be working so hard and the number never changes??? Anyway, I've been a bit miffed. But last night I had my "ah ha!" moment. What freaking difference does 5 lbs make? I don't walk around with my weight stamped on my forehead, thank heavens! No one has any idea what I weigh unless I tell them or they see it on my drivers license, which isn't truthful anyway...
So my point is, what's the big deal? I've thought about it and it comes down to 2 things. How I look and how I feel. Clearly I am a female of the human race and therefore I am programmed to hate myself no matter what I look like... but my "fat goggles" are fading a bit. I have noticed changes that make me happy. And there's always the excuse, "muscle weighs more than fat" to fall back on. I'm inching my way ever so slowly towards that semi-confident line. And even if I look exactly the same forever, at least I am in MUCH better shape than I've been in a long time. My heart has got to be lovin' me! I also feel really good on the inside. Some days I feel like I could accomplish anything.
In my attempt to drop some pounds I've even considered drastically cutting back on food. However, after such thought, I promptly smacked myself in the face for thinking as such. I am NOT a health nut. But I do watch what I eat and I count my calories and fat content and yada yada yada. I do my best to not eat more than I'll burn in a day's work. However, I am not so desperate to lose 5 lbs, that no one will even notice anyway, that I am going to scrap everything I love eating. I'm not a health nut and I'm not an actual nut. I'm not a rabbit. I was not designed to survive on lettace and carrots. I've gotta have me some meat and taters! I enjoy food way too much to allow my stomach to snarl and growl while I watch others enjoy their french fries and ice cream. All things in moderation - of course - but I'm not desperate enough to give it all up forever. I'd rather be happy and healthy than miserable and "skinny". So that's my 2 cents on the subject. I almost feel smart for finally realizing how to feel about it all. Go me! haha, joking.
In an unrelated note, the Teen Choice awards are on our TV right now because neither of us care to look for something better, and the Jonas Brothers just walked on stage. By reflex I made a gagging sound and Cory replied, "At least they're better looking than the Hansen brothers!" I credited him for that observation. What can I say, the man pays great attention to detail. And who knows, after all that spaghetti, if it was the Hansen brothers, I may have ACTUALLY gagged. And I'm not in the mood to clean up any messes.